Happy Valentine’s Day! Online dating can be adventure to say the least as Dee has found out. Here are some tips out of my latest dating book THE AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE to make your adventure a bit more fun and “successful” as you anticipate your next first date, whether you met him online, at church or through a friend.
Victorya Michaels Rogers, author THE AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE
DEE: Your new book offers a unique dating approach. Why focus so much on getting a 2nd date?
VICTORYA: If you can’t get past the first date, you won’t be booking a honeymoon anytime soon. The sad thing is ladies who would really be great catches are just blowing it and scaring their dates away by making silly, careless mistakes on their first dates—like talking too much, obsessing on exes, talking about marriage, calling the guy before or after the first date. If they just tweak a few of their dating behaviors, they can transform their dating life without changing who they are! If these secrets become a habit, you can stop stressing about first dates and focus on your man and deciding if HE is the great catch and worth your time. When you do that, 2nd dates become automatic.
DEE: 98 of 100 first dates asked you out for a 2nd! Were you just a natural at dating or was there a point in your dating life where things dramatically changed to gain that high percentage?
VICTORYA: I was NOT a natural at dating. They don’t teach you how to date in school. Sure I had my share of 1st dates, but I didn’t have my first BOYFRIEND until I was 21! It wasn’t until utter frustration at 23 that I decided to really study the art of dating. I read every dating book on the shelves and observed successful couples and watched the celebrities around me since I was in Hollywood. I learned the walk and the talk and finally men took notice, asked me out and the 2nd dates began to become automatic.
DEE: How can one back on the dating scene after a long absence adopt this hopeful attitude?
VICTORYA: Before you jump back into the world of dating allow yourself time to heal and reflect on where you’ve been. What was missing in your past love life? This is your season to really make it all about you. Love yourself first and deliberately pursue the life you always wanted! If you’re a single mom, obviously you need to seriously consider the needs of your children. But you also have to take care of you and come up with what you really want in a relationship before you start dating again. If you don’t know what you want then you’ll just date whoever takes notice and most likely that is was your problem in the past. You are valuable deserve to have a great relationship. But you have to believe that and know to recognize him when is comes along!
DEE: 98 of 100 first dates asked you out for a 2nd! Were you just a natural at dating or was there a point in your dating life where things dramatically changed to gain that high percentage?
VICTORYA: I was NOT a natural at dating. They don’t teach you how to date in school. Sure I had my share of 1st dates, but I didn’t have my first BOYFRIEND until I was 21! It wasn’t until utter frustration at 23 that I decided to really study the art of dating. I read every dating book on the shelves and observed successful couples and watched the celebrities around me since I was in Hollywood. I learned the walk and the talk and finally men took notice, asked me out and the 2nd dates began to become automatic.
DEE: How can one back on the dating scene after a long absence adopt this hopeful attitude?
VICTORYA: Before you jump back into the world of dating allow yourself time to heal and reflect on where you’ve been. What was missing in your past love life? This is your season to really make it all about you. Love yourself first and deliberately pursue the life you always wanted! If you’re a single mom, obviously you need to seriously consider the needs of your children. But you also have to take care of you and come up with what you really want in a relationship before you start dating again. If you don’t know what you want then you’ll just date whoever takes notice and most likely that is was your problem in the past. You are valuable deserve to have a great relationship. But you have to believe that and know to recognize him when is comes along!
DEE: You say every woman has an internal “Male GPS.” What is it and how do we use it?
VICTORYA: Available men are everywhere -- at the drive-thru, at work, at school, at church, at restaurants, at the mall, the gas station, sporting events, etc. You just have to know what you’re looking for and believe he exists. The Male GPS –male global positioning satellite—is in your mind. Your mind is an extremely power instrument that is always working and wants to be right! We’re just bombarded with so much information we need to focus. When you think about something enough, amazingly it seems to begin appearing everywhere you go. Let’s talk cars as an example. If you want that new blue Honda SUV, of course you believe it exists and it’s on your mind so it suddenly stands out every time one drives by. Just like thinking of your next car, think about what kind of guy you want.
The key to finding your next 1st date begins with your mind. You can instantly turn on your internal MALE GPS by figuring out specifically what you’re looking for in a guy, visualizing a man with those traits and believing he exists.
DEE: In Automatic 2nd Date you list many unique places to meet men. Tell us a few.
VICTORYA: Aside from the internet which as you know is quite the popular place to meet these days, there are many places to meet men right where you live. I advise skipping bars and clubs and just plunging yourself into the social world around you—be it at your church, country club, charity, or a special-interest group at your community center, even your work place! As you interact with more and more people, you will automatically find yourself around — and introduced to — available men.
DEE: What would you say to someone who went on a date, thought everything was perfect, yet never received a call back for a second date?
VICTORYA: If you haven’t heard back from your date within a couple of weeks, even if you were convinced it went wonderfully, think back about that evening. Did you really have anything in common? Did you talk too much about yourself? Did you “go too far” physically to the extent that you felt a little guilty the next day? Did you act too needy, too pushy, too bossy, too snotty or too boring? If any of this is the case, your date may have been scared away and wouldn’t tell you even if you asked. Don’t be too hard on yourself, though; just let it go. It was only one date and if he’s gone, that person wasn’t meant for you. At least by reviewing it honestly in your mind, you may be able to learn what to do on your next first date.
VICTORYA: Available men are everywhere -- at the drive-thru, at work, at school, at church, at restaurants, at the mall, the gas station, sporting events, etc. You just have to know what you’re looking for and believe he exists. The Male GPS –male global positioning satellite—is in your mind. Your mind is an extremely power instrument that is always working and wants to be right! We’re just bombarded with so much information we need to focus. When you think about something enough, amazingly it seems to begin appearing everywhere you go. Let’s talk cars as an example. If you want that new blue Honda SUV, of course you believe it exists and it’s on your mind so it suddenly stands out every time one drives by. Just like thinking of your next car, think about what kind of guy you want.
The key to finding your next 1st date begins with your mind. You can instantly turn on your internal MALE GPS by figuring out specifically what you’re looking for in a guy, visualizing a man with those traits and believing he exists.
DEE: In Automatic 2nd Date you list many unique places to meet men. Tell us a few.
VICTORYA: Aside from the internet which as you know is quite the popular place to meet these days, there are many places to meet men right where you live. I advise skipping bars and clubs and just plunging yourself into the social world around you—be it at your church, country club, charity, or a special-interest group at your community center, even your work place! As you interact with more and more people, you will automatically find yourself around — and introduced to — available men.
DEE: What would you say to someone who went on a date, thought everything was perfect, yet never received a call back for a second date?
VICTORYA: If you haven’t heard back from your date within a couple of weeks, even if you were convinced it went wonderfully, think back about that evening. Did you really have anything in common? Did you talk too much about yourself? Did you “go too far” physically to the extent that you felt a little guilty the next day? Did you act too needy, too pushy, too bossy, too snotty or too boring? If any of this is the case, your date may have been scared away and wouldn’t tell you even if you asked. Don’t be too hard on yourself, though; just let it go. It was only one date and if he’s gone, that person wasn’t meant for you. At least by reviewing it honestly in your mind, you may be able to learn what to do on your next first date.
DEE: Today is Valentine’s Day. You say it’s bad to spend a lot of money on your man today. How does buying your date gifts hurt your relationship without you knowing it?
VICTORYA: Buying your man expensive gifts puts pressure on him, especially on Valentines Day. You want your man to feel like the pursuer, not the chased! Make any gift you give him more about the thought than the price tag and never out give your man. If he can’t afford to reciprocate he’ll feel he’s not good enough for you and leave. If he can reciprocate but doesn’t want to, he’ll feel pressured and leave. It’s a no win situation. So before marriage, think thoughtful and little in regards to gift giving and offer lots of gushy thanks when he gives YOU gifts.
VICTORYA: Buying your man expensive gifts puts pressure on him, especially on Valentines Day. You want your man to feel like the pursuer, not the chased! Make any gift you give him more about the thought than the price tag and never out give your man. If he can’t afford to reciprocate he’ll feel he’s not good enough for you and leave. If he can reciprocate but doesn’t want to, he’ll feel pressured and leave. It’s a no win situation. So before marriage, think thoughtful and little in regards to gift giving and offer lots of gushy thanks when he gives YOU gifts.
DEE: Thanks for all your tips Victorya. Do you have a website my readers can check out for more dating secrets?
VICTORYA: Indeed I do. My website has a lot dating secrets for single women! Check it out-- it’s http://www.mantokeep.com/. You can also order my books and learn about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my book The Automatic 2nd Date.
Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date
