Friday, June 30, 2006

Review: Why You're Still Single

Things Your Friends Would Tell You if You Promised Not to Get Mad
by Evan Marc Katz and Linda Holmes
Publisher: A PLUME BOOK, www.penguin.com
Category: Self-Help/Relationships
Reviewed by D.S. White for Read Zone Book Reviews



"The Power of No: The ability to say no in a relationship, in bed, or anywhere else exhibits the kind of confidence that it takes to walk away and be a happy single and, therefore, be happy in a couple. If you establish your worth, you never have to settle for less." Pg 33

With the above-mentioned quote I have to say, the authors do sum up the plight/condition/life (your word of choice here) of single folk quite well. One must know one's worth.

This passage and others made me think about myself a bit. As they discussed several key behaviors that may be off-putting, the one that jumped out at me was: insecurity.

Me? Insecure?

I know, I know ... shocked me too. For years I had everyone convinced (and myself too) that I had all my stuff together, that I'd successfully overcome the triple threat of abuse, bipolar disorder and rape. I just knew I was All that and a Bag of Chips!

To be frank, I'd done okay with those three, they were upfront ailments and were dealt with as such; but the sneaky sucker was abandonment.

Due to health issues, my mother left Trinidad for the US of A when I was six years old. Athough we were reunited at age thirteen when I joined her, unbeknownst to me, lurking in some small corner of my psyche was the message: the people you love always leave, so do whatever is necessary to ensure that they stay around.

That being said:

I have been known to create a problem where there was none, just because I'm used to the constant struggle of life. In fact, if things go too smoothly, I think something is wrong with it, me and definitely the party involved, so I must then investigate, interrogate, infiltrate and then annihilate the non-existent problem (and of course the relationship as a fallout).

Before I even read this book, I had a little talk with God. Well, actually, He had a little talk with me, for two years ... but I kept hanging up the phone on Him, because He wasn't saying what I wanted to hear, but finally, when you've done the same thing for the fiftieth time and received the same result--you answer the question, "Is it me or?" honestly: it was me!

About the Book:

The subtitle: "things your friends would tell you if you promised not to get mad" is quite on target because certain chapters either make you mad at yourself or at your friends and family for never pointing them out, whether you got mad or not. The book is divided into eight sections:

  • You're knocking Yourself Out of the Game
  • You're Just Not That into Yourself
  • You're Being a Bitch
  • You Know How to Be the Girl Friend, but Not the Girlfriend
  • You're the Patron Saint of Lost Causes
  • You Fight Like a Girl
  • You're Boring Him in the Bedroom
  • You're Missing the Signals for When to Get Out ... and When to Stick Around

Armed with a sense of cheek and at times downright irreverance, the authors take you through a journey of contemplation, emphasizing your sense of worth and the bottom line, you have a right to choice: to be single or not and to be a happy single or not.

About the Authors:

EVAN MARC KATZ is the founder of E-cyrano.com, an online dating consulting service that partners wht JDate and other dating sites. He has been featured on CNN, Fox, NPR, and the Today Show, and, yes, he is , in fact, single and living in Los Angeles.LINDA HOLMES writes as "Miss Alli" for Television Without Pity and is a frequent contributor to MSNBC.com. She lives in Minneapolis.

Key positives:

  • The authors' voice is that of everyday folk who happen to be single and not gods on a pedestal who have rarified advice to share.
  • The authors themselves are still single so you're not hearing about being single from someone who sleeps with a human blanket.
  • The authors keep it real (translation: blunt). At times a little too real (for me) in terms of language and approach to topic.
  • The book encompasses the male and female point of view, therefore is not one-sided.

Key Negatives:

  • Irreverence.
  • Blue language.

Rating:

This book earned 4 out 5 stars for humor, honesty and sustained relevance throughout the book.

Comparable books (My List):

Comparable books (Amazon):

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Dee S. White writes creative non-fiction, and has just completed her first blook (book based on a blog). She is the founder of Dee411 a website with links to articles and resources for victims of abuse and rape and resources for sufferers of bipolar disorder. She has lived in the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago, Maryland, New York and now resides in Pennsylvania. Dee receives email at mailto:dee. (Remove spaces)

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