Saturday, November 26, 2005

Making Overtures (4)

Wednesday, March 19, 2003:

Since Saturday I’ve only received 10 notes! After the quick response of Tenrag on Saturday, I expected a steady flow to my inbox.

What I got were a couple of indecent proposals, spam and three weight trainers wanting to train me. Umm…they must have ESP or something because the only pic up there is my Driver’s License mug shot. (Note to self: take some pictures to scan and different--Soon!)

By late Monday night I was getting a little heated when I happened upon this Brother’s page. He had pictures up, but they seriously we’re not the pull. (Yeah, they caught my eye, no lie.) and But the brother was deep. He was expressing his thoughts so eloquently and humbly I was in awe. I looked at his age and it read 32. Dang, durn, dang and dagnabit! Too young. But I can send a note from one Christian to another, can’t I? So I did.

Dear Shuttertwo:

I quite enjoyed reading your page. Thanks for the peek into your thoughts. It is seldom that I come across a man who speaks so eloquently that humbly about his beliefs, life, and his family.

I pray that you are blessed in all your endeavors.

Peace and blessings,
What? Yes I did say “blessed in all your endeavors” I was still on my good behavior then.

So satisfied, that I’d made the perfect combination of friendly Christian female, (you could almost see me patting myself on the back), I logged off.

In the meantime, I perused the ten prospects whose profiles I’d painstakingly printed out. My only dilemma, how would these prospects know I was interested? I wouldn’t *gasp* contact them—I’d never done anything like that in my life and I wasn’t about to start now!

Ah well, books to ship, website to update and newsletter to write, I’ll just see what happens.

To Be Continued…

Just joining us? Here's what you've missed so far: Synopsis, (1), (2) and (3)

Friday, November 25, 2005

Thanks For My Memories

You might have noticed that there was no "Happy Thanksgiving" post from me.

As I sat in my chair early yesterday morning attempting to compose a cheerful, upbeat, gosh-darned-glad-to-be-alive post. It just wouldn't come. Whilst I am glad to be alive and not unduly saddened, this year I seem to be undergoing a "what now" phase.

I didn't want to run down the usual list (life, health, strength, family, job), yet I didn't want to appear as though I wasn't thankful, which I am. I then recalled a recent revelation I had while writing a portion of my book-in-progress, which for the purpose of this post I'll title, "Thanks for My Memories" :

Saturday, November 12, 2005
6:46 a.m.

Are You there, God? It’s me, Diane…

This was a particularly harrowing week. It was open enrollment at work and I caught a stomach bug of some kind on Wednesday and couldn’t call in sick because the rest of the folks in my department were out on benefit fairs or meetings about benefits for the year 2006.

As the only African American in my location, great pains were taken to ensure that I was given an opportunity to attend any of the fairs I wanted, to represent the department. At this stage in my work, I really don’t want to meet and greet, all I can think about is the mounds of work awaiting my return.

Either they’re different from all the other companies with which I’ve worked or just really clever.

On Monday past, my supervisor got me a Temp, three days a week, hours 9-3. Thank You God. She doesn’t need much hand holding. We get along like a house on fire and she’s even born in August as well. I knew someone was coming because I saw, what they probably thought were discreet, arrangements being made.
(Computer set up, phone set up etc.)

I just wondered if it would be my replacement or some help. Now that she’s here, I still wonder whether she’s my assistance or replacement, but I’m not too worried, because I know you wrote somewhere that no weapon formed against me will prosper.

I also think my co-worker is jealous or upset or whatever. She hasn’t come out and given me any attitude, but I sense that at the back of her mind is the thought. "How come she gets a Temp?" Could you, would you do something about that please? Send her a message--something. Let her know that it’s not about her, but about the work getting done? Unless she’d like to stop doing what she’s doing, to come assist me? Thanks.

Oh and one more thing? It’s November 12th. I know You know what day it is because You created the time structure and all. But, taking an example from You, You know how You always repeat things of importance? Well, it’s November 12th and the holidays are coming up. Except for a few bad days throughout the year, holidays are really hard for me. What with depression, assessments of my status quo (which is always a disappointment) and the absence of a man. There I said it…absence of a man.

Maybe it’s all the happy coupled people in the commercials, maybe it’s watching my sister and her husband, or my co-workers, bustle around busily. It seems as though the more they bubble and bustle, the emptier I become inside.

I’m not jealous, really I’m not…I got over that some years ago. But at these times, I’m more aware of how different my life is from theirs. I seem to have been fighting being different all my life, which I’ve learned, is a good thing in Your eyes, but sometimes, it’s just so hard.

The overweight thing, I’ve gotten used to and realize that griping about it won’t solve it, unless I get off my butt and start walking again and cut back on my intake. The shortage of funds, that doesn’t even bother me so much anymore, because it seems that with the little I make now, I tithe, pay the bills, repay my family,
provide for my daughter and still, I have left over. I know that’s all you God, because I wouldn’t even have this job, if you hadn’t decided it was the job for me. I’ve seen the resumes of the other candidates who applied for the job and eighty percent of them blew me out of the water.

Btw…did I say thanks for the miracle you performed with the TransitCheks situation last month? If not…Thank You God!

It’s like I become this outsider, watching the world go by. I know Christmas is coming, I know without the birth of Your Son Jesus, I would be in even more of a pickle than I am now. But it seems that everything has become so routine, that at times I just don’t want to do it anymore. Nooo…I don’t mean, not celebrate Jesus’ birthday, I mean the way we do it.

Sing this carol here, shop for this present there, exchange presents there, and act like we care about the poor and the needy. (Like if they go away for the other 364 days of the year). Not that I mind doing any of the above, it’s just that I want the special feeling to return.

You know–when I couldn’t wait for Christmas to come, largely for the presents, but also for the gathering of family members from East, West, North and South. We’d sit around and tell stories and rehash memories…

Memories! That’s it isn’t it? Every time I start to feel empty, I should start thinking of all the progress I’ve made, all the people who love me, all the people who need love and what I can do the help others, instead of thinking about me right?

It’s like when we used to do the food pantry at church. The feeling of bliss that used to fill me up when the day was all over, despite the fights, arguments and accusations of the very same people we were trying to help.

Thank you God! As always, talking with you makes me feel better. Oh wait, I’m supposed to say through Jesus Christ our Lord, right about here…right? Amen.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Look What I Found!

No...not another NaNoWriMo gadget. A blog award just for women! I read about it in Eph2810's feed. So actually, it would probably be more accurate to state, Look What Found Me!

My thoughts ran the gamut of, why we gotta have our own contest, we quitting? I'm not a wuss, I can and have competed with guys all my life! Which was quickly followed by...yup, and that's probably why you're up at 5:14 a.m. writing a post for your blog!

For the many excellent blogs there are out there written by men and women--there just aren't enough awards to go around. Rewards, in the form of a life saved, a captive freed, hope renewed, maybe...but how can the reward occur if no one knows they are there? (The Blogs, that is).

So while the latent, competetive, tomboy in me thinks, we don’t need no stinking separate award! The spirit of Malcolm X whose motto was "By any means necessary" reminds me that in the process of voting for the blogs, they must be read which is the reason they're written after all. Therefore the award becomes another avenue through which I can spread the message of Love.

So, without further ado I present:

The 2005 Blogs of Beauty Awards

Created by Sallie of in an attempt to equalize the playing field for Women Bloggers with content of quality who might otherwise be overlooked in the 2005 Weblog Awards. (Nominations close November 26, 2005)

The nominations for the 2005 Blogs of Beauty Awards will close on Tuesday, November 29, 2005, at 8:00 p.m. EST. If you'd like to nominate a blog as reader or author, for detailed instructions click here.

I [nominate Dee] could [nominate Dee] never be [nominate Dee] crass enough [nominate Dee] to suggest, [nominate Dee] nay beg [nominate Dee] that you [nominate Dee] nominate me [nominate Dee], but I'm [nominate Dee] not averse [nominate Dee] to subliminal [nominate Dee] messages. LOL.

Seriously though, do use this opportunity to put in a plug for your favorite blog.

Friday, November 18, 2005

How Sexy Is Your Name?

According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your sexual identity ... what do you think?


You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, or subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts; not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the hunt invigorating. You are passionate and sexual, as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.


You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an _expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expressions of endearment and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.


You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.


Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open mind.


Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate harmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while--it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book.)


You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You Look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.


You are crap in bed! (Remember.... I didn't write this!)


You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.


You have a great need to be loved, appreciated ... even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual _expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.


You are totally ------- marvelous!


You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your _expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.


You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You really enjoy stimulating yourself, though you are fairly new to it. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.


You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and also enjoy mothering your mate.


You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.


You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity and diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.


You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; A good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.


You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner keep up with you--sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.


You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal; the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not brag, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.


You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.


You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, oftentimes all in your own head.


You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own.


You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means posting him out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.


You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.


You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.


You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating, and romantic.

There was no Z...hmmm.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Where Are the Brothers?

Excerpt from Dr. Michael Eric Dyson's book "The Michael Eric Dyson Reader".

"Look at me," the sister blurted in exasperation. "It's Saturday night, and I can't buy a date."

She attended a black tie in Chicago that the 100 Black Men of Chicago sponsored. The even drew many of Chicago's elite, prominent clergy, physicians, entrepreneurs, and politicians. Her skin was brown and smooth-all sweet chocolate dipped into sensuous ebony hues - and her sparkling eyes set like flaming candles above her arching cheekbones. Her hair was a stylish black splash, with her limbs elegantly gesturing and her hands delicately pointing as her painted, manicured nails punctuated her message. As we talked for half an hour, it was clear that she was not only drop-dead gorgeous, but also bright as all outdoors, down-to-earth but schooled, witty and urbane but a true home girl, used to the corporate game she played as an executive but wearing her status loosely. Highly intelligent, educated, perceptive, in love with her people, down for the cause, a lover of black men-and she was alone, by herself, without a date in sight on a Saturday evening that brimmed with romantic promise.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked me. "I'm not trying to get married tomorrow-I'm not pressuring black men that way. I just want somebody to spend some time with, someone with whom I can have a good discussion and a good meal, and somebody I can laugh with. I just want a date, for God's sake, not a husband!"

Can any of you ladies relate to this story?