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Friday, June 30, 2006

Review: Why You're Still Single

Things Your Friends Would Tell You if You Promised Not to Get Mad
by Evan Marc Katz and Linda Holmes
Publisher: A PLUME BOOK, www.penguin.com
Category: Self-Help/Relationships
Reviewed by D.S. White for Read Zone Book Reviews



"The Power of No: The ability to say no in a relationship, in bed, or anywhere else exhibits the kind of confidence that it takes to walk away and be a happy single and, therefore, be happy in a couple. If you establish your worth, you never have to settle for less." Pg 33

With the above-mentioned quote I have to say, the authors do sum up the plight/condition/life (your word of choice here) of single folk quite well. One must know one's worth.

This passage and others made me think about myself a bit. As they discussed several key behaviors that may be off-putting, the one that jumped out at me was: insecurity.

Me? Insecure?

I know, I know ... shocked me too. For years I had everyone convinced (and myself too) that I had all my stuff together, that I'd successfully overcome the triple threat of abuse, bipolar disorder and rape. I just knew I was All that and a Bag of Chips!

To be frank, I'd done okay with those three, they were upfront ailments and were dealt with as such; but the sneaky sucker was abandonment.

Due to health issues, my mother left Trinidad for the US of A when I was six years old. Athough we were reunited at age thirteen when I joined her, unbeknownst to me, lurking in some small corner of my psyche was the message: the people you love always leave, so do whatever is necessary to ensure that they stay around.

That being said:

I have been known to create a problem where there was none, just because I'm used to the constant struggle of life. In fact, if things go too smoothly, I think something is wrong with it, me and definitely the party involved, so I must then investigate, interrogate, infiltrate and then annihilate the non-existent problem (and of course the relationship as a fallout).

Before I even read this book, I had a little talk with God. Well, actually, He had a little talk with me, for two years ... but I kept hanging up the phone on Him, because He wasn't saying what I wanted to hear, but finally, when you've done the same thing for the fiftieth time and received the same result--you answer the question, "Is it me or?" honestly: it was me!

About the Book:

The subtitle: "things your friends would tell you if you promised not to get mad" is quite on target because certain chapters either make you mad at yourself or at your friends and family for never pointing them out, whether you got mad or not. The book is divided into eight sections:

  • You're knocking Yourself Out of the Game
  • You're Just Not That into Yourself
  • You're Being a Bitch
  • You Know How to Be the Girl Friend, but Not the Girlfriend
  • You're the Patron Saint of Lost Causes
  • You Fight Like a Girl
  • You're Boring Him in the Bedroom
  • You're Missing the Signals for When to Get Out ... and When to Stick Around

Armed with a sense of cheek and at times downright irreverance, the authors take you through a journey of contemplation, emphasizing your sense of worth and the bottom line, you have a right to choice: to be single or not and to be a happy single or not.

About the Authors:

EVAN MARC KATZ is the founder of E-cyrano.com, an online dating consulting service that partners wht JDate and other dating sites. He has been featured on CNN, Fox, NPR, and the Today Show, and, yes, he is , in fact, single and living in Los Angeles.LINDA HOLMES writes as "Miss Alli" for Television Without Pity and is a frequent contributor to MSNBC.com. She lives in Minneapolis.

Key positives:

  • The authors' voice is that of everyday folk who happen to be single and not gods on a pedestal who have rarified advice to share.
  • The authors themselves are still single so you're not hearing about being single from someone who sleeps with a human blanket.
  • The authors keep it real (translation: blunt). At times a little too real (for me) in terms of language and approach to topic.
  • The book encompasses the male and female point of view, therefore is not one-sided.

Key Negatives:

  • Irreverence.
  • Blue language.

Rating:

This book earned 4 out 5 stars for humor, honesty and sustained relevance throughout the book.

Comparable books (My List):

Comparable books (Amazon):

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Dee S. White writes creative non-fiction, and has just completed her first blook (book based on a blog). She is the founder of Dee411 a website with links to articles and resources for victims of abuse and rape and resources for sufferers of bipolar disorder. She has lived in the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago, Maryland, New York and now resides in Pennsylvania. Dee receives email at mailto:dee. (Remove spaces)

Monday, June 19, 2006

An Interview with Cenk Butunley of My Best Date.co.uk

Cenk: Hi Dee, thanks a lot for your interest in an interview.

Dee: Hi Cenk, thank you for consenting. I took a look at the site and having some online dating experience under my belt, I noted that you offered something I've yet to see offered by other sites, so when the opportunity presented itself, I took it:

Q: Why an online dating website?

A: I met my wife on internet on 1999, after a year we got married. That was the time when my thinking about online dating sites and internet romance changed. It was a dream at first to build a website but as I was a junior developer, I had the chance for mastering a dating site in the future which I eventually did. My primary objective has never changed since then, to bring busy or shy people together for helping them to build a future and family, like I did.

Q: You're based in the UK, but you say you're international? I live in USA how would it work for me?

A: Yes we are based in UK but 25 percent of our members are from US and we have so many success stories from them who found their matches through our dating site.Some of them relocated to UK, some of them found their matches in their country. And technically, our members can meet UK and/or US singles with the help of an advanced search function by country or distance searching for the UK.

Q: I notice that your services are free for women but there's a fee for men. What your basis for that decision?

A: Yes, our services are 100% FREE for women and there is a small fee for men after a 3-day trial period just for covering our costs for providing these services. According to our past surveys, men believe in internet romance and online dating more than women. For us to be able to create a successful community and a dating site, we believed keeping the number of men and women profiles in balance would be the best approach. So we decided to make our site more attractive for women and that was how this idea was born.

Q: Have you used your own service? If so, what was the outcome?

A: My wife and I have used our dating service for finding new friends and actually we've met a couple who met each other on our dating site and that was the biggest happiness for me to see that this dating service is actually working.

Q: You offer a guarantee, (which makes me inclined to try it myself) how can you possibly back that up?

A: We didn't tell our members what that guarantee means as we wanted to make them a nice surprise--when they think their membership is nearly over. (and some of our members did actually receive this surprise). So, what does it really mean? For our subscribed members, if they subscribe with us for 3 or 6 months and cannot find the happiness within that time, we are providing the same period of time FREE of charge.

Q: As you can tell from my questions, the guarantee has piqued my curiousity, what would you say to me that would make my curiousity turn into membership?

A: What we aim to do is bring lonely singles together and share their happiness with the help our services. We do not tolerate scammers and money hunters. We have a special partner(antiscammer.net) checking our member profiles regularly to prevent such crimes. So your personal profile and dating life is in good and safe hands and we are not just another dating site to empty your pocket, we are here to give you a hand to improve your personal life.

Thanks again for this interview opportunity on your newsletter. As you can see, I am not the type of person who can easily turn an interview in to an advertisement. I want to congratulate you for your efforts on your blog and this newsletter idea. It really is good for you and your site.

Thanks a lot and take care for now,
Cenk