Thursday, September 15, 2005

Infidelity: Where Does It Begin?


cyber sex



I dreamt about my ex-husband last night. Disturbing? A little, since w e’ve been divorced for over fifteen years. But in my defense, I will mention that before I fell asleep, I was reading a copy of “Grown Folks Business” by Victoria Christopher Murray, which deals with infidelity. The husband didn’t actually commit a sexual act, but he fell in love with someone else, a man.

Some folks would disagree and say that the main topic was homosexuality and the down low trend, which I’ve been aware of since the eighties, but is just now coming to light in the mainstream world. And they’d be right. In fact we both would, because there are many issues being touched in this story and since matters of importance are subjective, and this is my blog...I’m going with the infidelity issue this morning…lol.

Merriam Webster defines infidelity as unfaithfulness to a moral obligation : DISLOYALTY marital unfaithfulness or an instance of it. The protagonist’s husband, Quentin, is clear to point out that although he’s in love with someone else, it has nothing to do with sex and although he doesn’t come out and make a bold statement, by the author’s skillful wording, his very tone comes through loud and clear and you get the idea that he feels confident in, and maybe even takes pride in the fact that he has not been unfaithful.

Which segues nicely into the question: Where does infidelity begin? How is it defined? Does it begin the moment we entertain thoughts about others beside our spouse and refuse to squash those thoughts? Or does it begin only when we proceed to act out our thoughts? And since our premise here is the online arena...the following questions arise (in no particular order):

  • Should a married person have a profile on a Singles Site?
  • If so, should their spouse be told?
  • If all communication stays on site and no personal information is divulged, does that equate fidelity?
  • Does cyber sex equate infidelity?
  • How about phone sex? Infidelity
  • How intimate are the conversations allowed to be?
  • When does it cross the line from just entertainment purposes to become infidelity?

Here are some pointers I received from yesterday on how to spot someone who is married but masquerading as a single person:

  1. No photo is present
  2. Minimal Personal information provided
  3. Not paid members
  4. Too quick to discuss sex when chatting
  5. Too quick to become intimate, people who want to build quality relationships are never in a hurry to jump in bed.


Blue Skelton said...

Married Girls need luvin too

Dee said...

They sure do, that's why they have husbands or wives.

sophie said...

I think that it is easy to get far too involved with someone online because the lines are blurred. If it isn't physical, how far is too far? I would have to say that a better approach is to address the issues existing in the relationship with your partner--rather than seeking fulfillment elsewhere.