divine_1_39(11/12/2004 11:56:52 AM) : well...my last relationship was over 3 years ago...my ex-fiancé...just hasn't realized it yet...lol
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 11:58:23 AM):I mean...how he gonna be calling me on his wedding day...to another woman? I mean...what was I supposed to do...tell him “Don't do it?”
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:01:14 PM): yeah...he calls me on the way to his wedding...like that's supposed to make me feel good
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:01:30 PM): hahahahahaha
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:01:36 PM): naw not meaning to laff
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:01:40 PM): but I feel ya
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:02:03 PM): go head...I did...eventually…after I got over feeling the disrespect to the sistah he was about to marry
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:02:31 PM): well naw it’s well
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:02:44 PM): I’m ahhhhhh…naw …I can’t see it…
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:03:00 PM): men are fools sometimes
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:03:03 PM): no all the time
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:03:14 PM): thank you...an honest man!
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:03:30 PM): hahahaha comes wit the maturity I guess
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:03:35 PM): but I gotta say...y'all can only do...what we allow y'all to do
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:03:48 PM): I used to believe that too
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:04:21 PM): but trust and love is something, unless u truly know what it is, u can’t appreciate what it will permit
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:05:08 PM): trusting and loving someone sometimes…I mean people…unless they know how to trust and love…can’t appreciate it 4 what it is
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:05:23 PM): they abuse it
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:05:35 PM): and it’s not ur fault
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:05:46 PM): for trusting or loving them
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:05:49 PM): I disagree
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:06:15 PM): never mind
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:06:36 PM): no...no...speak your mind
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:06:55 PM): I feel it…but can’t relay it
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:07:18 PM): ok...then lemme hit u wit my perspective
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:07:49 PM): hit me then
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:08:32 PM): I mean...I can be dramatic...but thas just a natural extension of who I am as the 8th child in the family...if you wanna be seen or heard...do something about it...and quickly before you're shut down!...lol
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:09:04 PM): ok just the opposite
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:09:09 PM): the oldest of 8
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:09:18 PM): but basically the same
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:09:27 PM): alright then...so we come at it from different standpoints
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:09:27 PM): no identity of ur own
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:10:02 PM): I was thought of or related to the other seven
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:10:06 PM): in every way
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:10:07 PM): not really...you had the responsibility...whilst I was the responsibility
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:10:21 PM): but not the identity
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:10:41 PM): every body else had a name
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:11:02 PM): I was officially "da oldest"
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:11:13 PM): I was officially..."da baby"
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:11:19 PM): hahahaha
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:11:38 PM): folks always talk bout the middle child thing…getting lost…anyway
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:12:22 PM): back to ur perspective…didn’t mean to interrupt
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:12:39 PM): no problem
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:12:47 PM): good…cause it’ll probably happen again…hehehe
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:13:14 PM): lol…ya gave me good info
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:13:38 PM): helps me in my lil puzzle of "who is Dee, really?"
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:14:00 PM): me Dee or u Dee?
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:14:13 PM): ahahahahha...Dee u
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:16:32 PM): anyhow…when I said, y'all can only do what we allow...this is what I meant
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:16:52 PM): ok
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:17:02 PM): wait wait
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:17:09 PM): who is y'all
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:17:39 PM): generally speaking...I think that relationships are the way they are, because in our quest for independence, we women have created an imbalance that was never intended
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:17:44 PM): y'all refers to men
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:18:50 PM): ok the imbalance thing I can see... the boundaries and rules kinda got fuzzy
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:19:00 PM): yes...
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:19:45 PM): looking at the way God intended it, women were to be protected, provided for, cherished...and there were set and enforceable punishments for pre-marital sex, incest and/or rape that made it less likely to occur
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:20:23 PM): now in our quest for independence and a voice...we've so absorbed the male mentality...or so we think...that we've created a new set of problems for ourselves
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:20:38 PM): yes
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:20:44 PM): agree
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:20:54 PM): we can now earn as much or more than some or most males. As a result, we have less tolerance and/or appreciation for males in general, good job or not. At the slightest infraction, real or imagined, they’re shown the door with no attempt to work it out, because, “who needs a man…anyway?”
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:21:21 PM): it's no longer considered a stigma to be a single parent...so some women...intentionally go for the "baby...but not the father"
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:22:13 PM): in our attempt to gain respect in the boardroom...we've fallen down on our jobs in the bedroom and lost the respect in the dining room and living room.
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:22:14 PM): don’t 4 get "sexual preference" oh Sodom oh Gomorrah
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:23:19 PM): I don't claim to have my stuff all together, but it seems that God already had things planned out perfectly for us
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:48:19 PM): now...I brought up the aforementioned as a backdrop (newly realized revelations) before I take you...to where I’ve been
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:51:02 PM): now...when I say...men will only do what is allowed...I was speaking to and for myself...and a whole lot of other sistahs...who've been there...and maybe even to and for some men as well
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:51:19 PM): ok
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:51:21 PM): because...love is the key
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:51:40 PM): but before a key can open a door...one must know how the key works
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:52:24 PM): now...I called myself being in love...but had no clue what love is
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:53:32 PM): and since our perceptions are shaped by our surroundings and family situation...let's just say...that the lessons in love learned at my father's knees...weren't a true and honest representation
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:54:17 PM): I learned that love suffers at the hand or fist of the loved one
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:54:38 PM): endures public insults
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:55:17 PM): reinforces oneself by saying “well...no matter where he goes...he always comes back to me.”
divine_1_39 (12:57:59 PM): I also learned that love serves to cancel out or turns a blind eye or is ineffectual in defending it's young from views of abuse or incest, whilst citing it's own wrongs, hurts and pains
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:59:16 PM): sooo...armed with those life lessons...I set out on my own journey of life and love...determined to have a better outcome...than my moms
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:00:42 PM): strike number 1...ex-husband turned out to be just like my dear ole dad...but...I flipped the script...he was the same height and skinny as a rail...he cheated...I beated...and had his mama kick him out and change the locks...we had a 2 year old by then u know
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:01:00 PM): 2 questions? shoot
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:01:21 PM): ok appreciate the sharing ...
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:01:58 PM): but...
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:01:59 PM): have u ever wished 4 a world of no deception of no false fronts and kind thoughts and acts...pure?
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:02:45 PM): no...not really…u?
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:03:13 PM): and the second is... which is more important..... the being "in love" or the "loving" or is there a difference in the 2?
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:03:18 PM): yes…I do…wish there was a world like that
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:03:46 PM): there is...it's called...heaven
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:03:58 PM): we spend time and energy wrestling within ourselves bout the uncertainty of externals
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:04:19 PM): putting up fronts …hiding the fear, the pain and the doubts, and so many other things that we can’t effectively deal with, the delusions our struggles, our minds and hearts encounter
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:11 PM): I mean what u share with me here is somehow easier 4 u because well this isn’t the real world
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:20 PM): I would like to come to u and say
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:29 PM): u know what Dee, my heart is broke…because…well…
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:38 PM): my woman…or aunt…or uncle or some strange person
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:50 PM): did this to me
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:55 PM): and it wasn’t right
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:58 PM): and no one cared…or tried to stop it
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:07:18 PM): folks don’t care bout folks…and I hate that
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:07:24 PM): truly care
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:07:30 PM): and now I’m crying so…I’ll let u answer the second question
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:07:43 PM): the "loving" or the "in love"
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:10:17 PM): actually let me address what you just said...it is actually just as easy in person as it is on here...you see the first telling is the hardest...after that...it's all gravy train...and trust...when you've stood in front of a congregation that includes everyone near and dear to you, including your child, and expound on the issue as part of a sermon...you've taken control of the situation and rebuffed the secrecy factor that allows 1 out of every 4 women to experience and/or continue to live under those conditions.
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:11:46 PM): now...as to which is more important...being in love or loving... I think both are important and necessary...just so that the person in love or loving understands what love really is...it is not blind, it gives, without asking/requiring anything in return, it's patient and kind, slow to anger, always ready for reconcialiation, full of hope, it endures a lot and never ends
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:12:56 PM): hmmmmmm…to me loving is...loving
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:14:17 PM): "in love" carries more idealism wit it
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:14:56 PM): an imagined act of what the being in denotes that it can’t last because the in denotes an out
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:15:19 PM): something u fall into
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:15:20 PM): ok...I hear that
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:15:25 PM): something u fall out of
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:15:48 PM): the loving as u so eloquently put it…and I might say ....loving u right now…is something more substantial
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:16:19 PM): more lasting
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:16:24 PM): more enduring
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:16:32 PM): more tolerant
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:16:39 PM): more loving
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:17:10 PM): and I’m guessing that God is in effect in ur life now I mean consciously…love is reppin Him
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:17:28 PM): 4 that is what He is…love
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:17:40 PM): anyway
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:18:02 PM): there is a greeting used in the eastern countries
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:18:17 PM): it’s NAMASTE
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:05 PM): it is the acknowledgement not of the person but the spirit the like spirit or the God within the person
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:19:11 PM): I like that
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:23 PM): the God in me greets the God in u
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:35 PM): something like dat
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:43 PM): I mean it’s deeper
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:47 PM): but I’m simple
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:53 PM): lazy in fact
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:54 PM): hahaha
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:20:30 PM): see...I knew this was inside of you
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:20:43 PM): no u didn’t
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:20:53 PM): I’m bad
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:20:57 PM): and nassy
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:21:00 PM): if u say so...but I know what I know
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:21:01 PM): and perverted
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:21:03 PM): and lustful
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:21:07 PM): and all dem things
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:21:13 PM): yeah...but you know what…I think that’s a front
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:23:10 PM): anyhow...can I get to my grand finale...long winded...I know...but can I get there?
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:24:07 PM): go on sistah touch dis here brutha
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:24:50 PM): ok...I’ll take that as a yes
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:26:33 PM): Dee me says yes to Dee u
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:27:16 PM): well in short...I didn't love me...I didn’t think I deserved anything or anyone better, and felt that as long as I had a man...it didn't matter what he acted like...just because I had one. In not holding him responsible for his actions...I let us both down...but of course...this was all realized in hind sight...cause I thought I had my finger on the pulse
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:27:49 PM): heck...my mama loved him to death and so did my daughter...so something must have been wrong with me!
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:30:21 PM): anyhow...I feel if both sides...men and women hold each other to account...we'd have less mess...but unfortunately...since we are helpmeets and not the ones designated to be large and in charge...the onus falls on us...to help men respect and treasure us, by believing that we do deserve their respect, and calling them on it when they fall below the mark…anyhow…gotta run…we’ll continue this tomorrow…time for lunch with my moms…we’re mending fences…peaceeee.
divine_1_39 logged off 11/12/2004 1:30:59 PM