A Bit of Husband and Wife Humor

It's that time again folks. That's right. It's time to share one of the humorous gems from one of online groups. I call this one "Husband with a Death Wish" ... LOL:

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?"

I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw.

Visa Versa: A Novel

Black men suffer in the dating game too!

This book is a journey of a Black man seeking a partner to share life with. He is an educated professional who finds himself alone and lonely. You as the reader travel along his journey with him as he attempts to find a "good" woman. He suffers from many taboos and attacks upon his character for being a Black man. He hears how "bad" Black men are and he is challenged to overcome these myths.

Travel along with him as he suffers from friends setting him up. Take his ride through dating services, journey with him as he tries personal ads and even the church, only to find that the same heartaches, pain and suffering are endured by men as women. The stories will cause you to think, laugh and cry as you journey with our SBM seeking a "good" SBF.

Along with stories of his experiences there are reflection in verse on his suffering, observations and personal challenges. The last story will just make you cry.

About the Author:
About me, and who am I? I could tell you about my successes in business and education. I could tell you about my failures. I could tell you of all the places I’ve traveled to and inform you of my worldly treasures. This is not who I am nor is it what I’m about.

I am the people who bravely walked across the ice bridge to populate the world from the great continent of Africa where all life began. I am the Zulu the Masai. I am the men and women who were savagely stolen from their lands and placed into slavery throughout the globe. I am the thousands of men who died fighting for freedom in the civil war whose reward was segregation and lynching. I am the men and women, who lived and died trying to survive in a land they built and were not welcome to stay in.

I am the men who died in World War II fighting the evils of Hitler only to come home to evils of Jim Crow. I am the freedom fighters whose strength was so great that they allowed dogs to bite them and allow fire hoses turned on them to empower the future with civil rights.

I am the convertible top, the traffic light and the multitudes of inventions created by men and women of Africa decent. I am the doctors and lawyers and I am the crack head and the criminal. I am the home owner and the welfare family. I am the strong beautiful single Black mother and I am the drunk and skirt chaser, I am the person running from who I am and I am the proud Black man standing in your face.

I am the child in the ghetto with no hope for future and success and I am the privileged child who is expected to be a success. I am a sum total to all my people. Those who had struggled those who have failed and those who have succeed. I am the sum total of every black man and woman in the past, the present and into the future. What I have is because of them. What I am about is knowing where I came from, what I live with and what I’ll have in the future. All my people is who I am!

(c) 2006 by Christopher Darrick Odom. All Rights Reserved.