Thursday, July 14, 2005

Somebody Likes Me! (2)

6:00 a.m., Saturday, March, 2003

Considering the fact that I love to sleep and needed to set up my bookstand in two hours, pulling an all-nighter probably wasn’t one of my brighter ideas--but it was oh so gratifying. When I felt saturated enough to tear myself away from the internet profiles, I decided (like there was really a decision to be made) to set up a profile of my own so that some of those godly men out there could find me.

Unsure of exactly what to put in my profile, I checked out some pages by other female members. Wow! There were some beautiful women on there! I wondered why? Maybe as in my case, there are slim pickings in their immediate surroundings; or maybe they’re just plain picky? Anyhow, I was still holding my own…even grading myself harshly, and in the spirit of modesty, I’d give myself a seven.

I then looked for some Christian women's pages. How inspiring! Scripture, poetry, testimonies, thought-provoking questions and answers, a list of expectations and affirmations of self respect, and then…screechhhhhhhhhhhhh…way at the bottom of the page…in all its hoochified glory, a picture with tatas and/or hind parts hanging out all over the place.

My fingers itched to send them a note about misrepresenting the body of Christ. Something to the effect that they were sending conflicting and embarrassing messages to the world at large and men in particular. A carryover from being the youngest of eight, my level of boldness has its limits, plus, I handle being cussed out very poorly. So, minding my own business, I began to fill out my profile.

The profile called for an alias (seemed kind of silly to me but I did it anyhow). In the style of the Old Testament where parents chose names for their children based on character, I chose the name PrincessDian. (The e couldn’t fit. I wasn’t so much aiming for Caucasian, anorexic and blonde--my emphasis was on the royal, kind-and-giving yet lonely aspect of the name.) I’d hated my name all my life because it’s pronounced "Dee-Anne" but spelled "Diane." Uncomfortable in an assertive role and tired of correcting everyone, I mostly let mispronunciations slide, while I stewed inside. Right around the time that I discovered that I had some serious self-hate going on and decided to begin loving me, I discovered that my name meant Divine. What a breakthrough! I realized that my hatred and denial of the name Diane paralleled my hatred and denial of who I really am, as a woman first and as a child of God.

Anyhow, I put in my request for someone tall and muscular this time around in the age range of 35-39. No more short men or their mentalities for me. I wanted someone who could give me a piggyback ride if I asked. I also stipulated that he needed to be a Christian. Hopefully, if I mentioned the faith of Job, I’d be less likely to receive a response about the fate of my job. Educated? Definitely. I didn’t spend summers studying the dictionary as a teenager to let words like "scintillating" and "proselytizing" go to waste. But since I’m not a snob, he doesn’t have to have a formal degree, just a certain level of intelligence. What I particularly liked about this medium was that I didn’t have to hurt someone’s feelings face to face. I could look at their specs (that’s computer talk for qualities) and then politely respond with a yay, nay or the male kiss of death: “Let’s be friends”.

I completed my page, added the makeup free headshot from my Driver’s License. I then rounded up a good book and sat there reading (if you could call it reading-- holding a book in front of you with your eyes darting back and forth like a Ping-Pong ball from book to computer screen). After sitting there expectantly for a bit, loath to answer the call of nature, I nevertheless did so. Upon my return, there was an email message telling me I’d received a note from tenrag at BP! Results! So quickly!

I did a praise dance. “Somebody likes me! Somebody likes me!” Mind you, it’s about 3:00 a.m. The entire household is asleep and there I was like a slaphappy fool, celebrating like I’d won the lottery. Heck, you know I’ve been studying up a storm, fasting and taking care of my temple (that’s Christian talk for body) and all that good stuff. Started mending family fences, volunteering for babysitting duty. Yes, me, drop-it-when-it-wets me--babysitting. Now I’ve gotten to the point that if I have to see another movie with a family member or anyone under seventeen, there’ll be consequences and repercussions…or is that repercussions and consequences? Oh, who cares…you get my drift.

Time to get a little shut-eye before I face the cold and customers.

To be continued...

Just joining us? Here's what you've missed so far: Synopsis and (1)


Em said...

I found your blog really interesting. I am a Christian too. I am currently negotiating the rough waters of infertility. I am definitely going to keep an eye on your blog.

Vicki said...

I so enjoy your writing style, humor, and honesty. I'm also fellow member of CWG. Will be back to visit again!


Dee said...

Hi Vicki,

Hey fellow CWGer, thanks for the support. I'm glad you enjoyed what's been written so far. I began in August of last year, but began to doubt the validity of the need for continuance, so the comments do help.


Dee said...

Hi Em,

Thanks for sending me a note.

Hang in there, nothing is too hard for God. Ask Abram and Sarai.


Jawn Lam said...

Interesting thoughts. Stop by my site sometime:

SillyBahrainiGirl said...

have i stumbled on a brand new blog?

Dee said...

Hey Jawn,

Awesome site! You guys are doing gret work!


Dee said...

Hi SillyBahrainiGirl,

Yes, you did stumble upon a fairly recent blog. T posts are done weekly or bi-weekly.