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Friday, October 21, 2005

A Matter of Perspective, or, Dear Diary

I’ve been on a roll lately. In addition to my numerous blogs, I recently started up a Yahoo group and a discussion board to piggyback off of topics raised on my main blog, Dee411. Hopefully, by doing so, I will have provided a place where topics touched upon can be discussed thoroughly and privately, if so desired.

Anyway, in the administration area of the discussion board, there is a section entitled “censored words.” In this section, the system automatically replaces cusswords, politically incorrect terminology and other inflammatory words.

They had some suggested words already preprogrammed, but like a kid in a candy store, I had a ball going through and replacing their suggestions with words of my liking. I wish I could be a fly on the wall, the first time someone does a post including one of my substitutions…LOL.

Anyway, this is one of my favorite jokes, but there are cusswords involved. So I went through and censored this bad boy as well. Lemme know what you think:

Peace,
Dee

DEAR DIARY

Aug. 12:
Moved to our new home in Upstate New York. It is so beautiful here! The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow covering them.

Oct. 14:
New York is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful mountains and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

Nov. 11:
Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous treasure. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

Dec. 2:
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed over with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love New York.

Dec. 12:
More snow last night. The snowplow did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

Dec. 19:
More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Copulating snowplow never showed up!

Dec. 22:
More of that white poop fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the curve and waits till I’m done shoveling the driveway. Donkey-hole!

Dec. 25:
Merry Copulating Christmas. More friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-female-dog who drives the snowplow, I swear I’ll kill the- product-of-unwed-parents! Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the copulating ice.

Dec. 27:
More white poop last night. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after the snowplow goes through every time. Can’t go anywhere; car is stuck in a mountain of white poop. The weatherman says to expect another ten inches of the poop again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow ten inches is?

Dec. 28:
The copulating weatherman was wrong. We got thirty-four inches of that white poop this time. At this rate it won’t melt before the summer. The snowplow got stuck up in the road and that product-of-unwed-parents came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the poop he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his copulating head.

Jan 4:
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those copulating beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3:
Took the car to the garage in Town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all that copulating salt they put all over the roads?

May 10:
Moved to Georgia. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken State of New York!

2 comments:

Eric Mutta said...

LOL, this was hilarious (especially the "the copulating weatherman" part!).

ObilonKenobi said...

Hey! - New York