Friday, December 23, 2005

Holiday Lonelies?

The holidays have a way of making those of us who are single, painfully aware of our state of singleness. Some of us are single by choice, some by circumstance and others by lack of what they would consider "good candidates".

It is to the latter group I address the following excerpt* from an email I received, the points made therein put a different perspective on our possibilities and bear thinking about as we assess what we've accomplished for the past year and plan our goals and strategies for the upcoming year.

Playmate vs. Lifemate

In our quest for happiness we must be sure that we don't settle for a Playmate when God has a Life mate waiting for us. Sometimes this is a hard distinction to make. Playmates are tricky. They are so much fun to be with that even the smartest of us will be fooled into thinking this has to be our Life mate. Worse yet too many of us attempt to make a Soul mate out of a Playmate.

The danger of this is that later, after years of playing we will meet our Life mate, but it may be too late then. We may have already made a Life mate of our Playmate and created life-long bonds (emotional, children, etc.) Or we may have been hurt from playing so hard that we are in no shape ourselves to be anyone's anything. How can we distinguish between the One, and just another one?

First, we must be open with ourselves about who we really are and what our heart yearns. Only you and God know what is truly in your heart and mind. Only you and God know what will make you truly happy and whole.

In order to find your Life mate you have to know yourself, first.

You must be willing to listen to that inner voice. And that voice might be telling you that the nerdy person with whom you enjoy talking and sharing your thoughts, could be him. Or what about that friend who is always willing to go the extra mile for you when no one else will.

Oh no! He's too short or too tall, balding or too hairy, and on and on? Just too ordinary looking for me! Then there's that girl who makes you feel so special when you 're around her, but she doesn't match that ideal you have conjured in your head. She's too tall, not slender enough, not light or dark enough, not shapely enough, not attractive enough, and on and on. She just couldn't be for me! So what if he or she doesn't look like Denzel Washington or Halle Berry!

He or she is going to treat you like the jewel that you are. Stand by your side when things are rough and respect you during those rough times and not judge you, but help uplift you.

Not only that, his or her heart and yours will commune in ways you never imagined possible! In order to heed that voice, we have to put on the back burner our own superficial thinking. Could it be that your inner desire is for a truly genuine person with a good heart? If you enjoy playing, stay on the playground. There are plenty of Playmates out there to occupy your time.

But don't spend too much time playing or you may play your life away. Eventually the playing loses it appeal and your heart begins to crave a deeper, more meaningful connection. Your heart begins to crave your Life mate.

*The original article was titled Playmate vs. Soul mate. I changed it to Playmate vs. Life mate because I firmly believe that the only soul mate we can have is God.

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