What Women Say and What They Really Mean

Hi folks,

Just thought I'd give you a break from my sales pitch... LOL. Here's another email special that I thought you'd enjoy:

Men and women are very distinct creatures. While men have a tendency to be straightforward, women are often not so simple. When trying to understand what she really means, you are sometimes better off reading between the lines.

(1) She says: "I don't want to ruin our friendship."
What she means: I am not attracted to you, or I don't feel enough chemistry to date you -- but I do like you as friend.

Why she does this: She probably does want to remain friends, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by admitting that she doesn't feel the same attraction for you.

What you should do: Don't take it personally; she just doesn't feel the same chemistry as you do. Take the hint and work on being friends with her, if that's what you want.

(2) She says: "I'm just so busy with work right now."
What she means: I am not interested in fitting you into my schedule.

Why she does this: She wants to let you down easy. Instead of being blunt, she is hoping you'll just get the picture.

What you should do: When a woman likes a man, she will always find time for him -- no matter what her schedule is like. So don't kid yourself into thinking that the situation might change. Instead, move on right away.

(3) She says: "Are you seeing anyone right now?"
What she means: I might like to submit an application for the position of your girlfriend.

Why she does this: She wants to make sure she is not wasting her precious flirting energy on a man who is already spoken for.

What you should do: Answer honestly, and then hit her up for her phone number.

(4) She says: "Do you really want to go to that restaurant/movie/dinner party?"
What she means: I really don't want to go to.


Why she does this: She doesn't want to go, but she doesn't want to appear stubborn either. She is probably hoping you'll sense her hesitation and come up with an alternate plan that pleases her.

What you should do: If you have your heart set on going to that particular destination, stick to your guns. Otherwise, you might want to switch up in order to please her. Remember this: If you keep her happy, she'll keep you happy.

(5) She says: "You have a knack for dealing with kids. They really seem to respond to you."
What she means: I am contemplating eventually having children with you and am wondering where you stand in that department.

Why she does this: An indirect question is her way of feeling you out without freaking you out.

What you should do: Don't freak out. She is probably thinking very distantly into the future (yes, women do this). If, however, you absolutely positively know that you never want kids, this would be a good time to say it.

(4) She says: "Where is this relationship going?"
What she means: I would like us to graduate to a more serious, exclusive relationship.

Why she does this: She wants you to be the one to suggest exclusivity.

What you should do: This depends on whether or not you actually want exclusivity. If so, suggest it. If not, let her know that you care about her, but are not interested in being exclusive right now.

(5) She says: "I feel so close to you right now. You know me so well."
What she means: I am starting to feel the l-word, but I don't want to be the first to say it.

Why she does this: It's a scary thing to be the first to say "I love you." It's much easier for her to hint and hope that you'll take the plunge first.

What you should do: Do not -- under any circumstances -- say the l-word if you don't mean it. If you do feel it, then go ahead; otherwise, don't say anything. In the long run, you'll be happy not to get entangled in such a lie.

(6) She says: "I feel like our relationship is stuck in a routine right now."
What she means: I want you to be more romantic and spontaneous, and surprise me more. I need you to pay more attention to my needs.

Why she does this: She doesn't want to hurt your feelings and admit that you are, in part, the cause of the rut.

What you should do: You don't need to change your personality entirely, but it wouldn't kill you to surprise her every once in a while. Call her out of the blue and tell her you're taking her for dinner, go on a spontaneous weekend away, or just surprise her with her favorite chocolates.

(7) She says: "A man was flirting with me all night."
What she means: Does it make you jealous?

Why she does this: She wants you to know that she's a hot commodity and that other men are interested in her. She wants you to appreciate what you have.

What you should do: Don't respond to it in a way she'll expect, like by getting angry or jealous. Instead, pay her a compliment -- she's definitely fishing for it. Don't get all insane with jealousy; just let her know what she means to you, or else she'll be playing this card every so often to set you straight.

(8) She says: "Do you get along well with your mother?"
What she means: Are you a family man?

Why she does this: A man who gets along with his mother tends to be more loyal, sensitive and devoted -- at least that's the stereotype that a lot of women buy into.

What you should do: Talk about how close you and your mother are; you could even tell a couple of stories. Just enough to affirm that yes, you get along with her.

Contest in the Hizzouse!

Alright people,

Since I've now joined the ranks of authorship, I have to do what authors do. Beg, plead, advertise, promote and offer freebies!

That being said...

Here's to our first contest!

Starting as of 1 minute after this post is published until midnight of February 28th. A free copy of Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating is being offered up for random drawing!

Please send a blank email with "AIJAN Contest" in the subject line to this email address: dee411@gmail.com to be entered in the contest.

Here's to the winner in you!

Why Don't I Just Shoot Myself in the Foot?

Okay, I owe the judges of the Lulu Blooker Prize an apology. In my last post, I called them all 45 plus and one of them is five years younger than I am. Not only that, I also inferred that they were less than hip and happening folk.

In my dumb defense, I was so excited about the competition that I didn't have time to read their bios, I just looked at their pics and made a judgment across the board. Ironic isn't it? I just committed an act against another that I've been fighting against all my life--that people look at me and just see an African American female and because of that, make sweeping judgments.

1) Lazy
2) Sub par intelligence
3) Ghetto fabulous

And I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

There I was scrolling along, when I thought I'd check the Blooker Blog to see if there were any updates. I clicked on over there and there was one! A reminder of the contest deadline and an update of the blogs submitted.

Oh joy! AIJAN was proudly listed in the sidebar with my name and everything. So I clicked on it and began re-reading the post. Oh No!

Reading it as though I were one of the judges, it could have been considered offensive. So I made changes to the original text, but now I'm thinking... after all the hard work I put into the blook as well as that of my editor, layout artist and graphic artist to sideline myself with a comment that could be deemed offensive by someone who is not as familiar with my thought processes as you are.

Darn... why don't I just shoot myself in the foot?

Anyway, it is my hope that the judge who posted the link, was so busy he didn't have a time to read my post.

I'm sorry guys!

Signed:
Humbled Author,
Dee

Father Knows Best

This cover to the left, is the cover that I wanted to use for AIJAN, but at the last minute we realized that no one had gotten copyright clearance … Arghhhhh. So the cover the the right was used.

You see this image is a composition of the following two images, plus a bit extra drawing. Although the image was so pixilated that Deborah had to practically redraw the entire thing, credit still needed to be attributed where due.

Ah the dilemma of desire vs integrity!

Although everything in me wanted soooo badly to use the above image. I’ve realized that when God interrupts what appears to be a perfect plan, idea, or thought... it's for a purpose and it behooves me to heed said interruption.

That said, I showed both covers to some of the trusted folks at the office (all Caucasian) and all of them preferred the actual cover.

Once I thought about it, I chuckled to myself, because I realized where God was coming from. I was choosing my cover with my usual target audience in mind: Late Teen to middle-age African Americans, but the contest judges are middle-age Caucasians--it helps to properly target your audience.

And not only that… once I stepped away from it a bit and really examined the cover, it’s really more of a cover for a novel, which AIJAN is not--Creative Non-Fiction, maybe, but not a novel. I’d hate for someone to purchase based on the cover expecting a novel and walk away disappointed. I hate when that happens to me.

So all I can say once again is, "Thank You God!"

Clarification

Since I've been asked this question repeatedly (and this is in no way a complaint!) let me clarify.

Although not officially released, the blook is available for sale. Just be aware that there's no ISBN and a few typos which I've caught, which will be corrected at the application of the ISBN in the next month.

Thanks soooo much for your encouragement and interest!

Dee

It's a Wrap!

Hello Folks,

Just a brief note to share the great news that all deadlines have been met and project AIJAN for Lulu Blooker Award 2006 is a wrap!

Thanks to the gifts, time and talents of the Thomson sisters, Rachel who edited, Becky who did layout (and pulled an all-nighter to boot) and Deborah did the cover you see here.

I don't know when I've been on such a high. Oh wait... I know. The high of hearing my first song combats this a bit. But with this comes the realization of a dream twenty-four years in the making. (Paused to whisper, "Thank You God!")

Although the blook (book based on a blog) won't be officially released until June of this year, (once I purchase my own ISBN's and set up my publishing press) here is a sneak peek at my first contribution to the literary world.

Celebrate with me:

Hurray! I'm an author, I'm an author!

Peace,
Dee

A Word from the 30-Something Crowd

Another humorous gem culled from my emails. (What would I do for posts without email? Btw... this is the American version, remind me to give you the West Indian version of this later on, when I'm done with the whole blog to blook thing.)

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ..uphill BOTH ways... yadda,yadda, yadda. And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! There were no MP3's or Napsters!

You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! And talk of about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options! We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! ... Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little gremlins!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire...imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that Stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about!

You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
-The 30 Something crowd!

100 Things (About Me)

More Than You Ever Wanted To Know And Really Didn't Ask
In No Particular Order

1. I am graceful yet have been known to trip over my own feet.
2. I take pride in not being a girly girl.
3. I am a hoarder.
4. I carry the strangest things in my pocket book (really a bag or bag pack, since pocket books are girly).
5. I have wondered if I was gay a time or two, but my older sister assured me I was not, so I took her word for it…LOL.
6. I could not do without music, either listening to it or singing it.
7. I hum even when I don’t realize it.
8. I was in two car accidents before I was eleven.
9. I'm afraid of driving but I take pride in having and using my license.
10. I’m very blunt when I’m ill.
11. I have Tina Turner legs and a Dolly Parton chest.
12. I am shy, unless I meet someone who’s even shyer than I am.
13. I am a Christian.
14. I am celibate.
15. I am divorced.
16. I have a twenty-year-old daughter in college.
17. I was a virgin when I got married at 19.
18. I married a younger man, he was 18. We were only married for three years.
19. My favorite subject in school was a toss up between music and PE (Physical Education).
20. I had a substitute teacher who looked like Billy Dee Williams. Whatever class he substituted, I was attended. One day, he noticed the coincidence, and there endeth my career as a substitute student. I think I deserved an A, for ingenuity... don't you?
21. I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches my senior year of high school, so that I could save my allowance to buy books.
22. I think I broke the sisterhood code when I educated my ex-fiancé about weaves. (Sorry ladies!)
23. I can’t keep a secret to save my life, but could if it meant saving yours.
24. I love vampire movies, but hate scary movies.
25. I am very sensitive.
26. I am the youngest of eight.
27. I am down-to-earth but can be dramatic at times.
28. I'm a member of the bi-polar disorder club.
29. I come from a dysfunctional family.
30. My father is deceased. He died alone in a nursing home.
31. Babies don’t move me one way or the other, unless they’re full of character, or mine.
32. I try to find something good in everything or everyone.
33. I hate arguments and avoid them like the plague.
34. I almost joined the army.
35. I am passive aggressive.
36. My mother lives with me (don’t tell her I said that, she thinks, I live with her!)
37. I have an audio Bible and it’s the coolest invention--EVER!
38. I've just realized that I am a bit of a pessimist.
39. I began writing my first book in High School. The hero was Hispanic and the heroine was a redhead and eight years older than he was. Even then, I was before my time...LOL.
40. I’m semi fluent in Spanish.
41. I’m predisposed to men of Hispanic descent, which is weird, since I don't trust them...LOL.
42. I was born on the Island of Trinidad.
43. I left Trinidad at age 13. Anxious to leave the horrors of the island behind, I also left my sisters and brothers behind, physically and emotionally.
44. I lost myself for a few years, I tried to be any and everyone else but Me.
45. I got my first job at sixteen. I spent most of the time avoiding the boss, an oversexed African. One day, he chased me around the couch until I promised to brain him with a lamp. Next day, I introduced him to my older brother.
46. I got my first real job at seventeen.
47. My first job was like Sodom and Gomorrah, which was funny, considering how sheltered I'd been. My main thought was, "If my mom knew what goes on here, she'd yank me out!" So of course, I never told her. People had sex in the stairways and snorted coke in the back rooms.
48. I can organize anyone else, but myself.
49. I began leaving my room a mess as a silent protest for my OCD mother, but it has unfortunately become a way of life.
50. I am analytical and illogical at the same time.
51. I can be quite annoying.
52. I have an irreverent sense of humor.
53. The neices, nephews and daughter have voted and (as of two years ago) I was officially voted the wuss of the family. (Although I've grown in leaps and bounds, I've been too afraid to ask for a re-vote)
54. When I took my daughter to the doctor as a child, I'd hide my head on her shoulder while they took blood for fear of passing out.
55. I am quite talented but lack the drive to pursue my talents. (some call it laziness?)
56. A man licking his lips is not sexy to me… so LL Cool J? Cut that out!
57. I can be impatient. I'm not as easygoing as I seem.
58. I dislike being referred to as cute. I'm a grown a$$ woman. Cute is for puppies and babies!
59. I have high expectations of myself and everyone else with whom I deal.
60. I’m pretty savvy, but can be gullible in my attempt to give folks the benefit of the doubt.
61. I can touch my nose or my chin with my tongue.
62. I can dance for hours and hours.
63. I was once offered the position of mistress to a rich Caucasian man. Before you give me credit for self-worth...I should mention he was 48 and resembled Boss Hogg of the Dukes of Hazzard...LOL
64. I once owned an online African American Book Store.
65. I am a good saleswoman; I could sell glasses to a blind man!
66. I have a great smile!
67. I can be a chameleon, fit into any circumstance necessary.
68. Unfortunately, having the skill of being a chameleon, is not so good, if you haven’t found out who you are.
69. I despise arrogant people.
70. I despise cheaters, men or women.
71. I can be antisocial or the life of the party. (Depending on which end of the bi-polar spectrum, I’m cycling through)
72. Some of my dreams come true… exactly as I dream them, which can be kinda scary or confusing.
73. I think it’s crazy that curse words are becoming more welcome in schools than God.
74. I dislike having to repeat myself or my actions.
75. Funnily enough, I am a good teacher despite that drawback.
76. I have learned not to deal in absolutes after I found myself young, beautiful, black and proud, begging at the turnstile for a token to get to work.
77. I am very stubborn.
78. I once belonged to a cult.
79. All my sisters (4) are married to younger men.
80. I cannot cook much, without a cook book.
81. I can bake a carrot cake that would make you slap your mama for eating the last piece.
82. I realized that parents didn’t know everything at sixteen.
83. I’m not a creator, per se, but I can take any idea and tweak it for my purposes.
84. I hate flowers, plants and trees. (Probably because I had to water my sister’s extensive garden every morning before school back in Trinidad)
85. I can make friends easily, it’s in keeping them, that I have problems.
86. I have a love hate relationship with my mother.
87. My daughter looks just like me.
88. I LOVE it when folk tell me that I don’t look like forty or act surprised when I mention that I have a daughter in college.
89. I wrote a song last May.
90. The oldest person I’ve ever dated was a 29 year old, when I was 18.
91. I get tipsy on a half bottle of wine cooler.
92. When I’m tipsy, I get frisky. I stopped drinking when I realized that I was blowing in a female's ear...LOL.
93. I loved the movie Flash Dance!
94. I think I’d make a great ballroom dancer. (I might have issues with those barely there dresses though)
95. I don’t know how deep I’m supposed to get here…so I saved the heavy stuff for the bottom. I figure folks might have gotten bored by now, and If they’re still reading…they must really want to know me.
96. I am a date rape survivor.
97. I am an incest survivor.
98. I used to be hooked on prescription drugs.
99. I used to be hooked on pornography. (Yeah women watch that mess too, they just don’t admit it.)
100. I am grateful for every day I see, because at 14 my suicide attempt was averted by my viewing a movie about the effects of suicide on the family of the victim. Coincidence that that movie played at the exact moment I had the bottle of pills in my hands…I think NOT.

Happy New Year!

First question of the year:

What were you doing when the clock struck 12:00 a.m?

The stats have been tallied and the results are as follows:

Most frequent renter of 2005 is Jeremy Shipp of Haunted House Dressing with 6 total rentals across three of my blogs. He will be featured on Dee411 for the month of January!

Second frequent renter of 2005 is Mike of Ramblings and Rhetoric with a total of 3 rentals across two of my blogs. He will be featured on Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating! for the month of January!

Third frequent renter of 2005 is Iris of Eph2810 with a total of 2 rentals of Divine Perspective. She will be featured on Divine Perspective for the month of January!

Fourth frequent renter of 2005 is Stephanie of Mystickal Incense & More Blog who just slid into fourth place yesterday with a total of 2 rentals across two of my blogs. She will be featured on Dear Abbyliqua for the month of January!

Fifth frequent renter of 2005 is Omar of Epiac's Place who was the first to respond via email. And as promised, his response has secured him a spot on Passion for the month of January!

Still up for grabs is the sixth postion by any of my one-time renters across all six blogs I have listed at BlogExplosion.

The spot will be awarded on a first come, first serve basis. The first candidate to discover this post via word of mouth or pingback and respond via comment or email (with subject line: Blog of the Month!) will earn a featured spot on Read Zone.

The blogs* under consideration (in alphabetical order) are:

A la Gauche
A Little of This, A Little of That
A Shellbug's Life
Be the Butterfly
Benjamin Solah's blog
Blogging Boss
Bread and Circuses
Broken Messenger
Daily Thoughts & Sporadic Nonsense
Dark glass - a non-Catholic observes the Church
Denotsko
Faerytale Dreams
Free to Ramble
Guppyman's Rant Zone
Ho Hum What?
husband - DJ - computer geek
jane loves tarzan
Jon's Journal on Police Pursuits
Joyful Mother
Life According to Princess Grace
Living with ADD Blog
Meeting people online
ONEMANBANDWIDTH
One Way or Another
Pursuing_Truth
Ripper Hollow
RockyJay - A Series of Unfortunate Blog Incidents
Scooter McGavin's 9th Green
Sin's Fate
Southern Gal Goes North
Tales of the Opiated Sherpa
the republico journal
Victoria Likes to Blog!
WeddingsInABox- Visual planning blog!
Wild Horses and Winter Dreams
WISE WORDS
Writesville.com - A home for aspiring writers!

*PLEASE NOTE: The blogs under consideration are considered by the end date of the rental. So if you have a currently running rental campaign, your blog will be under consideration for February's "Blog of the Month" spot.

Thanks again all and Happy New Year!