How Could He?

Why can't I breathe
in his presence
quickly looking away when he
glances in my direction
wishing I could just
disappear, vanish
turn into a mere whisper
a faded memory
whenever I feel his gaze on me

He is so beautiful
breathtakingly gorgeous
an easy smile and magnetic eyes
firm hands, wide chest
I want to get lost in the curve of him
ride the smooth sway of him

But, he is too much for me
looks too good for me
what I am thinkin
he would never, could never
even consider me

I am forever stuck in friend zone

Not fly enough to be his
wouldn't be able to compare to
the many girls clawing for him
wouldn't be able to withstand
the nonstop insults slung at me
for even attempting
to think myself worthy

He thinks me clever, smart
cute, maybe funny
He finds reasons to grab me
touch my hand
hold me close
I luv the throb of him
can't wait for the vibe of him

But we always laugh
playfully flirt
as I pull away
retreat
inhale and pray
that I haven't made a fool of myself
that I haven't revealed my true heart
and set myself up for rejection

Cuz, I know he is too fine for me
doesn't really want me
I mean
how could he?

(c) 2006 by a.Kai

A Bit of Husband and Wife Humor

It's that time again folks. That's right. It's time to share one of the humorous gems from one of online groups. I call this one "Husband with a Death Wish" ... LOL:

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?"

I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw.

Visa Versa: A Novel

Black men suffer in the dating game too!

This book is a journey of a Black man seeking a partner to share life with. He is an educated professional who finds himself alone and lonely. You as the reader travel along his journey with him as he attempts to find a "good" woman. He suffers from many taboos and attacks upon his character for being a Black man. He hears how "bad" Black men are and he is challenged to overcome these myths.

Travel along with him as he suffers from friends setting him up. Take his ride through dating services, journey with him as he tries personal ads and even the church, only to find that the same heartaches, pain and suffering are endured by men as women. The stories will cause you to think, laugh and cry as you journey with our SBM seeking a "good" SBF.

Along with stories of his experiences there are reflection in verse on his suffering, observations and personal challenges. The last story will just make you cry.

About the Author:
About me, and who am I? I could tell you about my successes in business and education. I could tell you about my failures. I could tell you of all the places I’ve traveled to and inform you of my worldly treasures. This is not who I am nor is it what I’m about.

I am the people who bravely walked across the ice bridge to populate the world from the great continent of Africa where all life began. I am the Zulu the Masai. I am the men and women who were savagely stolen from their lands and placed into slavery throughout the globe. I am the thousands of men who died fighting for freedom in the civil war whose reward was segregation and lynching. I am the men and women, who lived and died trying to survive in a land they built and were not welcome to stay in.

I am the men who died in World War II fighting the evils of Hitler only to come home to evils of Jim Crow. I am the freedom fighters whose strength was so great that they allowed dogs to bite them and allow fire hoses turned on them to empower the future with civil rights.

I am the convertible top, the traffic light and the multitudes of inventions created by men and women of Africa decent. I am the doctors and lawyers and I am the crack head and the criminal. I am the home owner and the welfare family. I am the strong beautiful single Black mother and I am the drunk and skirt chaser, I am the person running from who I am and I am the proud Black man standing in your face.

I am the child in the ghetto with no hope for future and success and I am the privileged child who is expected to be a success. I am a sum total to all my people. Those who had struggled those who have failed and those who have succeed. I am the sum total of every black man and woman in the past, the present and into the future. What I have is because of them. What I am about is knowing where I came from, what I live with and what I’ll have in the future. All my people is who I am!

(c) 2006 by Christopher Darrick Odom. All Rights Reserved.

You're Invited...

You're Invited...

To a Book Chat


moderated by Rachel Ramone of


The Phenomenal Women Yahoo Group

for

Author: D.S. White

Where: phpMyChat Chatroom in the "Default" Room, register here

When: Saturday, November 4, 2006 - 8 PM (EST)


How: Register now or tomorrow before chatting, then click above-mentioned link


Objective: To find out more about the book (the message),

the purpose (is it about the buck, the notoriety, the talent or what?)

and the author (what makes her qualified to expound thusly?)

A note from the author:

Hi Folks,

If you've already purchased copies of AIJAN, I thank you and hope to see you there. If you've not had time but would like to participate you may still do so by reading the excerpts provided and/or purchasing the eBook.

Now ya'll don't show up just to show up ... come primed with questions to make me think, laugh and/or squirm ... everything's fair game, except for the dreaded ... "Umm... whatchu wearing ma?" ...LOL...

Peace,

Dee
I am who I am, by the grace of God.

P.S. Be sure to check here for the latest updates.

The Beauty of Gold

Gold, since ancient days of Egypt it has been a desired commodity. Having it signified a certain cachet and the more you had, the more important or wealthy you were deemed.

Nothing much has changed in that aspect in today's world. Well ... maybe no one will bow down and worship you because you have on a pair of gold earrings or a gold bracelet.

However, gold has retained its value in that it is considered a unique investment. With the use of a reputable investment company, one can buy gold or any other precious metal (available in coin or ingot form which is pure bullion cast in a convenient size and shape) and as such diversify their investments, protect wealth and preserve their purchasing power.

For over 30 years, the Monex companies have been America's gold and precious metals investment leader backed by a large and dedicated staff of hard asset professionals committed to serving your precious metals investment needs via a convenient market and competitive precious metals prices.

Girls Most Likely: A Novel

by Sheila Williams
Published by One World/Ballantine

paperback US$13.95
ISBN: 0345464761

About the book:
"We didn't know then that the dramas we imagined weren't even warm-ups for what real life held for us."

From the fifth grade to their fifth decade, Vaughn, Reenie, Susan, and Audrey have shared secrets and dreamed dreams -- their lives connected like silk threads through rich fabric, pulling but never breaking at life's unexpected twists and turns. Meet the girls most likely

To Write the Great American Novel: Vaughn has a flair for words that makes her the unofficial diplomat of the foursome. She's great at keeping it together for everybody -- but herself.

To Marry a Prince: Sassy Reenie can break hearts as easily as she can take out a bully without breaking a nail. But her live-for-today attitude leads to a tragic mistake that will haunt the girls for years.

To be Famous: From the ashes of a ravaged home life, amid rumors and bad feelings, Susan rises to fame as a glamorous network anchorwoman, proving that success is the best revenge. But forgiveness is another matter.

To Run the World: Audrey is the ultimate overachiever, but this takes a devastating toll on her health, her career, and her family. Perfection is a race where the finish line keeps moving. What will she sacrifice to win?

Girls Most Likely is an emotional, uplifting, often hilarious glimpse into the lives of today's ever-changing African American women, sustained by love, laughter, and sisterhood.

Read an excerpt

About the author:
Sheila J. Williams was born in Columbus, Ohio. She attended Ohio Wesleyan University and is a graduate of the University of Louisville in Louisville, Kentucky. Sheila and her husband live in northern Kentucky.

For more information, please visit the author's Web site at www.sheilajwilliams.com.

A Word about Subscriptions

I just opened my Feedblitz subscription email and had the laugh of my life! Blogging buddy (and I use the term widely) over at Fugetaboutit!!! shared some early morning husband and wife interaction that I absolutely must pass on. For those of us single folks ... something to look forward to? Who knows...

Anyway, time to get your laugh on! You might even want to check out a few blogs at Feedblitz and get yourself a subscription or three.

***

My wife is some kind spy or something...

“Uh… honey… why is there a miniature satellite dish in your dressing area?”

“What are you talking about Calabrese?”

“What is that? It looks like you’re trying to track incoming missiles.”

“It’s a diffuser.”

“What do you need a diffuser for? Is something about to go off?

“Something is about to go off all right.”

“What, I can’t ask a simple question?”

“Why are you bugging me? You know better than to bug me when I’m trying to get ready.

“I was just curious. A guy can’t show a little interest in his wife’s weaponry?”

“It attaches to the hair dryer numb nuts.”

“The hairdryer? Come on, seriously, what is that thing?”

“I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Oh I get it. It’s a secret. You could tell me but then you’d have to kill me.”

“No, I’ll kill you because you’re annoying me.”

“What is all this crap? It looks like James Bond has moved in with us.”

“It helps keep my hair curly.”

“But your hair is naturally curly.”

“It doesn’t naturally curl the right way.”

“Uh... isn’t curly just curly? Plus I thought you wanted to wear your hair straight.”

“I did.”

“But now you want it curly?”

“Yes.”

“What happened to all the other weapons you had here? What happened to that stuff that makes your hair straight?”

“Listen up Calabrese. You are not going to talk about my hair on stage. You are not going to write about my hair in your blog. You are not going to mention my hair to anyone. Capiche Calabrese?”

“Are you part of some secret government agency?”

“Knock it off Calabrese.”

“You’re no fun today.”

“I am trying to finish curling my hair.”

read more...

Before You Pop the Question

So, the online dating arena was a big success. You’re ready to pop the question, but first you need the prerequisite diamond engagement ring.

Located in the world famous diamond district of Manhattan, Primestyle.com offers the finest selection of Quality Diamonds & Jewelry at Low Prices. In their own words, “we ensure that you will NEVER PAY RETAIL PRICES AGAIN...PERIOD!”

Okay, so you’re ready to propose, you’ve got a probable jeweler, so you walk in and pick the biggest and brightest diamond you can afford … right? NOT!

The clearest diamond of the highest Karat does you no good if it’s set in yellow gold, when it should be white gold, or if it’s the traditional stone, when it should be pear-shaped or if the design is clunky when it should be delicate and barely there.

Before you spend a dollar, take her personal style into consideration. Then and only then will you have … the perfect ring … for her.

Excerpt: Men, Love & Sex

What Makes a Man Fall in Love?

Why we can't let love in until you've shown us the way -- and the simple words that can unleash our deepest affections.

Question: Guys, do you believe you've met your soul mate?

Yes, I'm with her right now.................................. 53 Percent

Yes, but we're no longer together:........................ 14 Percent

Yes, but we were never together as a couple:......... 9 Percent

No:.......................................................................... 24 Percent

Think of a great relationship as though it were a great meal: A delicious, meaty steak of sexual passion accompanied by a fine, delicate wine of romance and commitment. Both of us want it all -- the perfect, satisfying course. And we need both -- steak by itself is dry and unsatisfying; and wine will get you tipsy, but it won't satisfy your hunger. Now, before the metaphor police revoke my license, let me simply push this analogy a little further: Men are a little more focused on the meat of the relationship, and women a bit more on the wine. But both sexes want to get up from the table completely satisfied. Need evidence? More than three-fourths of men believe in soul mates (see above). And when we asked our guys to choose between meeting the love of their life or having amazing sex for six months, 92 percent chose falling in love. (The other 8 percent were probably Maxim readers.) Consider what these three men said about the experience of falling in love:

• "We need to feel love, loyalty, and chemistry above all else," says Ian, 31.


• "Men also feel the butterflies and giddiness that women do when they're in love," says Robert, 26.


• "Women don't realize most guys are in love long before they are willing to admit it to anyone," says Drew, 30.

So why then does it always seem like women are leading the relationship toward commitment, and men need to be dragged along like a preschooler to a dentist appointment? Because in the early-on Stratego game of dating, we need to see where you're moving first. Consider this: Less than half of men say they're typically the first ones to say "I love you" in a relationship, and more women than men initially broach the subject of taking the relationship to the next level.

That points to the notion that what men really want when it comes to love is your assurance -- your permission, really -- that it's okay to let the butterflies out of the cage.

Michael, 37, a restaurant owner in North Carolina, says he's cautious about expressing himself early on -- not because he's complacent or wants to play games or wants to make the woman squirm like a mouse in a cat's mouth. He holds back because he's waiting to get the signal that it's okay to press the accelerator.

"I love to hear that I'm her dream come true, or some version of that, if that's the case," he says. "I need a little praise and attention, just as much as she needs it from me. That's the sign I need. Then, I know I can give her what she needs."

Chris, 29, a recently married public defender, agrees. "Men need to be told that they're wanted," he says. "Women forget that if they like a nice guy, that the nice guy might be too nervous to tell them what he feels." And then he added this interesting insight: "Women need to be more open to being hurt the way guys are every day."

Hold on a second. Guys are hurt more often than women?

Hmm. Think about it: In the romance game, it's usually the man who makes the first move (usually after you've dropped him countless hints waiting for him to finally pick up on them). But in doing so, men open themselves up to more rejection than a telemarketing trainee. And believe me, even George Clooney has a psychic master list of turn-downs that he still winces over from time to time.

So once a man has crossed that first barrier -- okay, you like him, it's safe -- he's reluctant to cross the next. Like monkeys in a lab, we've been shocked plenty of times before, and if we're in a safe place with you, we're happy simply to stay there. So it's a delicate balance -- a woman needs to signal that it's okay for him to take the next step, without making him feel as if he's being pushed toward it. Let him know that you feel there's something really special between you. Let him know it's okay if he lets himself feel that, too. But proceed cautiously -- there's danger ahead, as you'll see.

How Do I Know Where This Relationship is Heading?
I've been seeing a guy for about three weeks, and I feel like it's going to be pretty serious. After the first two dates, we've been seeing each other a lot. Last week, we got together twice during the week and twice on the weekend. I'd like to talk about where this is headed, but I don't want to scare him away. I just want to make sure we're both on the same page about where we are, whether we're seeing other people, and where this might go. What's he thinking?

He's thinking that, three weeks into dating, he doesn't want to have this conversation. To him, that's a relationship birth announcement. Today, we welcome the birth of a beautiful committed couple, weighing in at eight dates, two movies, and six orgasms (five for him, one for her): It's Bob and Cindy! Congratulations! It's too formal, too official, too planned. And that formality serves as the fire extinguisher to the initial spark he's been feeling. "The only thing worse than a woman who doesn't show any interest after a few dates is a woman who shows too much," says Anthony, 25. Terry, 32, adds: "Slow down. Please don't tell us that you love us after three weeks." Think of it this way. You know how you don't like when he skips the foreplay and goes right to the sex? When you talk about the status of a relationship too early, it's like skipping the foreplay of pursuit and going right to the private parts of commitment. If he's seeing you four times a week, then it's a good sign that your relationship is headed in the right direction. Just let him have some fun -- and some mystery -- while he's getting there.

How Do I Know When It's Time to Tell Him my Feelings?
I've been seeing a man for only two months. Perfect guy. He's funny, has a great job, I love hanging out with him. We even took this great weekend vacation together and everything seemed to click. I just have this feeling that this is going to work, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. I don't want to blow it, and while I obviously don't want to pretend to be somebody that I'm not, I also don't want to do anything that could jeopardize the relationship. Any hints for how to take things from here?

Two months may seem like a blip on the relationship radar, but for some guys, that qualifies as a full-fledged era. At this point, men certainly want some honesty. "If she is more open with me, I'll be more open with her, especially at the beginning when you're both feeling each other out, emotionally," says Warren, 33. But that comes with a caution. Feel free to be honest about your feelings, but don't make assumptions about his. Don't use the word us. At this stage, you'll solidify your primo status if you talk about what you like about him, what you get out of a relationship with him, what turns you on about him. Us scares him; him excites him. (Yes, we're our own favorite subject, but that's just human nature.) It's a way of saying you love the relationship while giving him the ego-boosting rush he craves -- all without making him think you're brushing up on the four Cs of diamond shopping. At this still-early stage, that's a secret to tip-toeing between giving him permission to love and giving him a reason to leave.

Should I Give Him an Ultimatum?
My live-in boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about a year and a half, living together for somewhere around six months. I'm 31 and my family is giving me a hard time -- like I should just go ahead and move on if he's not going to be the one because I'm wasting time. My best friend even says to me that there's no way he's going to marry me because he's getting all the sex of a nonmarried relationship without the commitment. I've debated a lot about giving him an ultimatum or a deadline, but something tells me that's a bad idea. How will I know if he's ever going to be ready to make the next step?

You may think that men are afraid of the marriage commitment because we want to leave options open, because we're waiting for something better, or because we fear it'll be the official end of hot-tub sex. Jay, 30, says a man's hesitation isn't about indifference; it's actually the opposite. "Men are just as unsure about the relationship thing as women," he says. "I'm getting married in a couple months to a woman I love deeply, who I know will be a fantastic wife and mother to my future children. Is she my soul mate? Tough question, but if not, she's pretty darn close." When we decide we want to be married, we want to do the right thing -- for both of us. So should you give him an ultimatum? I don't think so. If you've been honest with him about your feelings for him -- for him, not for "the relationship" -- then you're probably at the point in your relationship where you should be able to ask him straight up about his feelings for you. If he can't tell you what he thinks and what he feels, well, that's probably your answer.

Reprinted from: Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women by David Zinczenko with Ted Spiker © 2006 David Zinczenko. Permission granted by Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 18098. Available wherever books are sold or directly from the publisher by calling at (800) 848-4735.

David Zinczenko, editor-in-chief of Men's Health magazine, has written op-ed pieces for the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, and USA Today and is a frequent guest on the Today show, talking about men and relationships. In 2003, People magazine named him one of the "50 Most Eligible Bachelors." He divides his time between Allentown, Pennsylvania, and New York City.

Ted Spiker, an assistant professor of journalism at the University of Florida, is a contributing editor to Men's Health. He lives in Gainesville, Florida.>

For more information, visit www.menloveandsex.com or http://www.rodalestore.com/

Excerpt: How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk

The following is an excerpt from the book How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk
by John Van Epp, Ph.D.
Published by McGraw-Hill; September 2006;$22.95US/$26.95CAN; 0-07-147265-7
Copyright © 2006 John Van Epp, Ph.D.

Idealization: See No Evil

Unhealthy emotional needs lead people to develop one of three relationship patterns that attempt to interpersonally resolve what can only be fixed intrapersonally. In other words, when you do not deal directly with your issues, they often become embedded in your relationships. At that point, you may no longer recognize them as your own issues, because they have become clouded by the dynamics of the relationship. You plunge forward to fix the relationship, all the while needing really to fix yourself. Regrettably, it does not work and your relationship continues to suffer. This will repeat until you identify your own problems and make the necessary changes within yourself.

The first pattern, idealization, occurs when you avoid feeling disappointment and pain by always looking through rose-colored glasses. A perfect example of this was a young woman, Ellie, who had grown up in a home where her mother died and her father subsequently remarried. During her adolescence, her father was tragically killed. His second wife favored her own children, leaving Ellie starved for love and attention. It was not surprising that Ellie soon met and married a man whom she had known only a short time. During their brief courtship, he lavished her with praise and adoration, calling himself Prince Charming.

No doubt you know this age-old story of Ellie (her good friends knew her as Cinder Ellie, although most refer to her as Cinderella). She idealized everything! It was her way of surviving the atrocities of her family life. The beloved Disney version began with Cinderella waking up to the singing of the bluebirds and joining in with her own song, "No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true."

I do not mean to tarnish the ending of this fairy tale, but seriously, don't you wonder whether Ellie looked at her prince through the lenses of overidealism? She wore clothes made from bluebirds, rescued trapped mice and dressed them in cute clothing, and never seemed to complain, even when she had to work all day and night! Maybe she was so determined to live her dream that she overlooked certain warning signals in order to fulfill her idealistic wishes. Idealism always becomes dangerous when it blinds you to reality.

Her prince was a wealthy, royal only child who was looking for the perfect woman. Men with the prince's profile usually turn out to be controlling, narcissistic, and emotionally abusive. They often have an extreme swing from infatuation to detachment as soon as some imperfection blemishes their ideal love. Ellie's idealism ultimately was leading her into the exact same family dynamic she experienced within her family of origin.

Your unhealthy need for idealistic love can be broken only by your individual efforts to face your pain and those who afflicted you, and to deal directly with the loss of having never been shown the love you needed, wanted, and deserved. Many times such efforts require courage to feel the loss as well as to face those who hurt you. A better blend of reality with idealism and the caution to test the one you trust over time will help distinguish an illusion from a genuine dream.

Rebounds and Crash Landings

Are you too trusting, always seeing the good and jumping to positive conclusions too quickly? Do you get into a relationship and immediately become swept away by the furious waves of attention and love? Do you find yourself enamored with this prince or princess, spending every free moment with that person, constantly conversing by phone or computer, or just talking to him or her in your head? If so, then you need to step back and look at your track record. If you have a history of these dreamy love attacks that end up spiraling into nightmares, then you may be avoiding some of your past pain by projecting your ideals onto a prince or princess who is nothing more than an ordinary frog.

Tonya had just ended a five-year relationship when she had her Cinderella nightmare. It began when she was approached by Will in a local club that she frequented. Will worked there and had talked briefly with Tonya in the past, but he had never engaged in any in-depth conversation with her. That night, however, Tonya started to tell Will, who listened intently, the tale of her long and rocky relationship. After an hour or so, Tonya remarked how understanding and attentive Will was and what a contrast this experience was from what she was used to. They went out that night and continued to talk until sunrise.

This began a romantic whirlwind that, after just thirty days, led Will to ask Tonya to marry him. She responded with an enthusiastic yes, having come out of a relationship with a commitment-phobe, and they made plans to move in together and save money for the wedding. Tonya confided in me that although Will had a long history of failed relationships, he had never truly been in love and no woman had ever made him feel so good. When I asked how many skeletons were actually in his closet, she blushed and disclosed that he had been with more than a hundred women. I warned her about the ways history repeats itself, but she acted hurt that I was not happier for her.

The day he moved in with her was both his first and his last. He brought a chair that Tonya did not think fit the decor of her home. When she tried to talk with him about this, Will snapped that it was his chair. Tonya retorted that it was her home. At this point, Will realized that she thought of the house as hers and not theirs.

Nothing was unusual about this kind of an argument. In fact, you would expect it to occur under the circumstances. But as a result, Will lost all feelings for Tonya and decided to move out the same day he moved in. Tonya was crushed (although I thought she was really spared). She couldn't understand how someone could feel so strongly in love one moment and then be so ice-cold the next.

Tonya encountered the unhealthy effects of idealization. How did this happen? It began when she was reeling from the rebound effect of her previous relationship and in her pain had concluded that no good men were out there, at least, none were available. You might think that this mentality would have made Tonya apprehensive about the sincerity of a man approaching her, but instead, it only ratcheted up her hopes for a perfect love. When Will treated her in ideal ways, she projected onto him all of her dreams of true love, and like a tightly wound spring, burst forward in her dependency and commitment to a man she really didn't know.

Will also suffered from idealization. He had a chronic and long-standing narcissistic condition, much like his father did. As the youngest, though, he did not overtly display his father's temper. Instead, he was a charmer. Narcissists do not appear self-centered at the beginning of a relationship. Will, for instance, craved ideal love, and his ego was inflated when Tonya looked at him as "the perfect lover who could meet her needs better than any other." This made Will feel like a god in Tonya's life during the first stages of their relationship.

Only after some time do narcissists reveal their extreme demands, a kind of "buy now, pay later" arrangement. Once one disappointment blemishes the relationship, the narcissist can never retrieve that fantasy feeling of true love. The benevolent god becomes depraved and angry, exacting obedient love while never feeling satisfied or fulfilled. This is why Will was so amazing in the beginning of a relationship but so quick to quit whenever something went wrong. Narcissism lacks resiliency; so when the first flaw appears, love begins to die.

Copyright © 2006 John Van Epp, Ph.D.

Author
John Van Epp, Ph.D., conducts seminars and workshops worldwide on marriage and relationships. His popular video program, How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk, is being taught by certified instructors internationally in thousands of churches, singles organizations, educational and agency settings, and throughout the military. He has been happily married for more than twenty-five years. Visit his website at www.johnvanepp.com.

Customer Profitability Software

Acorn Systems, a profit improvement company has just released Enterprise Profit System and Activity Based Costing (ABC) their latest customer profitability software.

With use of these products, elusive information becomes readily available which makes cost reductions and profit improvements an ongoing process throughout the organization.

Thus companies are able to meet and perhaps exceed their profitability benchmarks on a sustained basis. According to Acorn Systems, the size or type of the organization does not matter: medium-sized business, government organization or multi-national corporation they are equipped to directly interface with your organization's existing sytems.

Introducing: The CondoList Program

CondoCompany.com recently launched a new online product: The CondoList Program. With this program, sellers, purchasers, renters and lessors have the ability to seek out and find the name of the listing agent or condo owner thereby cutting out the middleman problem.

That way folks interested in Seattle Condos can run a search and be well on their way to selling, purchasing, renting or leasing with a lot less hassle.

Savvy decision by CondoCompany.com

Non-Traditional Schooling

For those of you who have problems or not enough time in your day to physically attend traditional college classes. Have you ever seriously thought about attending an online college?

Online colleges are a viable option for the goal oriented, time management type of individual.
With an online university, one can study from anywhere and any country: home, library or, laptop — the 50 states of the U.S.A, England, Canada etc. and obtain the same excellent education across the board at one’s convenience.

Accredited schools like Capella University are good candidates for enrollment.

As a national leader in online education, Capella University meets and exceeds the criteria of the most hard nosed seeker, in that it’s been around since 1993 and it offers 76 graduate and undergraduate specializations and 16 certificate specializations: business, information technology, education, human services, and psychology for graduates and business and information technology for undergraduates.

While it may not be the answer for everyone, having the option to obtain a degree via an online college makes for a wider reach education wise and a positive move forward for adult learners in particular.

Meet Epocrates

A CA-Based Company that has just launched an online directory geared to the healthcare industry.

With the use of Epocrates online, Protonix and over 3,300 other drugs may be researched with the click of a mouse.

The Web site makes available dosing, pricing, potential drug interactions and Medicare Part D formulary coverage from any computer with an Internet connection.

The report from clinicians is that they rely on Epocrates products as their main source for all clinical reference needs and that it saves them up to 30 minutes a day. This can only result in safter conditions for patients and the return of the focus where it belongs: care of patients.

A Vision of Futuristic Health

Take one daring company, a CEO with vision, gidgets, gadgets and techies ... "oh my" and what do you have?

A privately owned CA-based company by the name of Epocrates with an online reference site where the specifics on over 3,300 drugs, for e.g. Plavix can be obtained by a simple site search.

Said information was previously available via PDA, but with the advent of Epocrates Online the necessary, life saving information is available to the average healthcare professional at a great price: FREE!

For the healthcare professional who desires more than the dosing, pricing and formulary information provided in the FREE version, a premium subscription is available. With the premium subscription comes 400 alternative medicine monographs, patient education handouts, pill pictures, pill identifier and hundreds of medical tables and calculations.

As to the purpose of branching out into the online arena?

No better one to find out from, but the chairman and CEO , Kirk Loevner, who was quoted as follows, "Epocrates Online also provides us with the opportunity to develop content and services that are optimized for an online platform".

Here's to the future of healthcare, may more companies like Epocrates emerge.

Degrees of Marketing

Many adults today find themselves fighting the time machine. Time to do the dishes, time to get work done, time to spend with family, time to pray and worship, time for self improvement, time for exercise, time to sit and think, time to volunteer or time to further their education.

With the use of accredited distance learning schools like Capella University, around since 1993, you could have the opportunity to obtain a degree without leaving the comfort of your home.

Not a resident of the U.S. of A?

No problem. Capella University is available in all 50 states and 63 countries.

What should I study?

You've got choices: Capella University offers 76 graduate and undergraduate specializations and 16 certificate specializations. Say for instance, you were interested in obtaining a marketing degree you'd be covered.

But are they any good?

Well they are considered a national leader in online education and currently have 16,000 students. Is that good enough for you?

Right about now, I bet someone is thinking, What in the hay does this have to do with online dating?

I'm so glad you asked.

Merriam Webster defines marketing as:
1 a : the act or process of selling or purchasing in a market b : the process or technique of promoting, selling, and distributing a product or service
2 : an aggregate of functions involved in moving goods from producer to consumer.

Now we can all agree that having any success in the online dating arena takes a certain amount of savvy but most times it seems to be just trial and error. So what if we understand and employ marketing techniques within our online search?

For instance, if we see enrollment on a dating Web site as the process, our introduction and/or description as our sales pitch, the man or woman we aim to attract as the market, and ourselves as the product we've identified the key factors in our marketing plan and are ready to begin.

Knowing our product:
As with any marketing plan you must know your product and to whom it appeals. Now where marketing yourself differs from marketing other products is that, due to survey results or consumer reaction you can't be recalled, discontinued or revamped. Ergo, know yourself, your style of communication, your dating/relationship do's and don'ts and stay with them. The honesty of being true to you will ring true loud and clear.

That being said, how does that translate into a plan of action? Here are some questions to ask yourself before setting up your profile:

1. Why am I using the online arena? Lack of time, shy, overweight, last resort, no prospects in your immediate vicinity? Why?
2. Which dating site should I choose? Have I done the necessary research to choose the one(s) that suit(s) me?
3. What do I expect the dating site to accomplish? It will not chauffeur him or her to your house
4. Do I have a targeted deadline or am I in it for the long haul?
5. Do I have realistic expectations of what enrollment means?
6. Am I just dating or relationship minded?
7. Am I willing to relocate in the name of love?
8. What ethnicities am I willing to date?
9. With What religious backgrounds am I comfortable?
10. Do I know what's safe and unsafe to place in my profile?
11. What are my deal breakers? Kids, pets, smoking, religion, weight, ethnicity, location, financial income, education? What?

I'm sure there are some I've missed, but you get the idea. Once you've answered those questions (honestly) you're ready to begin your enrollment. Whichever site you choose the following tips work across the board as ingredients for the "perfect" profile:

• Upload Clear, concise, recent picture (no cutoff arms or hands, no blurry resolution, within a year, six months preferable)
• Make sure it represents the you you would like to meet
• Use your mental attributes (sense of humor, proper spelking/granma)
• Hobbies (create a meeting ground by mentioning your hobbies)
• Be positive, reinforce likes not the dislikes
• Practice honesty but not info dumping

Right about now, someone is probably thinking, now she's really taking this thing way too seriously. To which I say, where there's smoke, there's fire or Evan Marc Katz of e-Cyrano.com, Dr. Phil of Match.com and Star Jones of AOL would all be out of jobs.

You may or may not be interested in obtaining a marketing degree, but hopefully this post has explained the degrees of marketing.

On Finding Mr. Right

Adrienne Brodeur
Author of Man Camp

You think you know exactly what you want in a man, right? You can probably even list the attributes, qualities and qualifications that your future husband needs in order to apply for the job of your mate. I had a three-tiered system myself. First, there were the requirements: an interesting profession (preferably in the arts), a great sense of humor, a sterling character, financial security. Next, there was the frosting (as in, wouldn’t-it-be-nice-if-he-were…): over six feet tall, devastatingly handsome, a cat lover. And finally, there were the deal breakers: children, difficult ex-wives, bad toupees. Of course, like you, I fancied myself to be magnanimous and flexible in as much as I was willing to overlook certain undesirable traits – say, thinning hair and a few extra pounds – for the perfect guy. Now, even if your list is different from mine, I think you know what I’m talking about.

Here’s some advice: Lose your lists now, Ladies! Mine almost kept me from getting to know my husband.

Tim and I were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend. We were both divorced and practiced daters, and knew the rules of the game. We met at a conveniently located wine bar and immediately set into the first date volley of get-to-know-you-questions: Where are you from? What do you do? How many siblings? My first impression of Tim was that he was utterly unobjectionable: nice, attractive, smartly dressed, well mannered. But something was missing . . . .

Let’s revisit my list. First off, Tim’s "interesting profession" was in finance, which to a writer like me seemed like a big snoozer of a job. Next, he was a listener, so at first glance, it didn’t appear that he had a "great sense of humor." As for the other two requirements – a "sterling character" and "financial security" – both are tough to determine on a first date. What he did have in spades were deal breakers – two sons (teenagers, no less) and a horrific ex-wife. My thought bubble at the time? Check, please. What to do next was a no-brainer: I finished my glass of Shiraz, graciously declined his dinner invitation, gave him a peck on the cheek and thought, Nice knowing you, Buddy. I went home, curled up with a book and didn’t give Tim or our date a second thought.

Luckily for me, my husband didn’t subscribe to the list mentality himself. He called. He pursued. He courted. I joked about him to my friends – Who was this suit and why wouldn’t he just leave me alone? But Tim was sincere in his feelings and steadfast in his determination. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. Since I refused to make time for proper dates for weeks, he tagged along to some readings and other literary events. Reluctantly, over the course of several months, I got to know him. Turns out, Tim is unquestionably the man of my dreams, though he bears little resemblance to the fantasy man I thought I’d end up with. Tim is funny and smart and warm beyond words and, though finance still isn’t fascinating to me, it is to him, which is all that matters in the end. He has given me a daughter and made my life happy in ways I would never have imagined. And to think, if left to my own devices – and my own list – I probably wouldn’t even remember his name right now.

Here are a few things to remember. Lists only rule people out, which isn’t a good way of allowing someone new and wonderful into your life (presumably your goal). If the guy you’re with is not as tall or as rich or as skilled in witty bantering as you thought Mr. Right should be, take the time to notice what his strengths are. It’s always easier to see what’s wrong than what’s right, and far more rewarding to do the opposite. Remember, it’s hard to find love if you’re busy thinning the herd. Besides, are you really willing to gamble potential happiness away because he doesn’t earn seven figures? Get to know the person across the table from you and above all, be open!

Author
Adrienne Brodeur is the founding editor of Zoetrope: All-Story. She lives in New York City. Visit her website at http://www.gotomancamp.com/.

A Star is Born!

Or something like that... LOL.

Hey people,

I'm iz back and have I got updates for you!

Well... updates and a little begging. The juice is loose! Not really, I just had an all nighter so I'm loopy.

Now, now... think nice--I was typing and quite vertical, thank you verree much! LOL.

Anyways, the pic above is the final cover of AIJAN and as of last Thursday, I gave the printer the okay on my finalized proof and copies are being printed as we speak. The book is also available on Amazon, although my release date is not till September 15th ... grrrrr... but I'm too tired to fight with anyone right now.

Btw... I finally figured out what I wanna be when I grow up! A preaching author who does social work to pay her bills! Whaddaya think? LOL.

Seriously though, I'm doing a Temp gig at a children's agency and I'd say the timing was God's way of pointing me in the right direction. (Pardon me, if I'm rambling.)

Now to play catch-up, here are some links to posts written in the past month--If you're on one of my numerous mailing lists you will have seen one or two of the posts, but if not--grab a cup of coffee or your poison of choice and settle down for a bit of a read:

• This is it! - 8/15/06
• We Made it! - 8/16/06
• What Jogs Your Memory? - 8/16/06
• Queens Book Fair Update & New Author Shoutout - 8/24/06
• Press Release - 8/26/06
• E-Press Kit - 8/31/06 (Adobe PDF Download: Includes Curves photo
  shoot pic and quote)
• Blog to Book Helps Break Silence - 9/8/06
• I've Got a Testimony! - 9/10/06

So there you have it... all caught up now. It's been a slow couple of months writing wise for me. What with bipolar overload, spates of connectivity loss and the finalizing of project AIJAN.
Guess what? The work has only just begun!

Btw... did I mention that the Borders in my town will be carrying the book?

Yup, yup--I called them up and once I said the word local author it was on!

The library will also be ordering a couple of copies. I went by and I must admit that I was biased--I assumed that because the staff was 100% caucasian I'd have to do a hard sell. I forgot where I was--in a library with folks who love books ... period.

Once I said the word author, you would have thought I said Jesus! They ran off to get the director of the library and the next thing I knew I was promising to speak at an upcoming do and I'm just so tickled pink!

So yeah... maybe I would do it all over again, just to experience that moment--maybe.

Thanks so much for all your patience and support. Oh, and I almost forgot...

If y'all would start calling up your neighborhood bookstores and requesting AIJAN and acting REAL surprised when they don't have it. I'd love it a lot!

Now for the information I know y'all have been waiting for: where you can get AIJAN and how much of a discount you're going to get after waiting so patiently?

Well I've a standard 15% discount running for the general public but for members of my lists I've created a secret site to be revealed in my newsletter (well ... as secret as a site can be on the Internet ... LOL) just for my list members. To save an additional 5% join any one of my lists and you'll receive a copy of the newsletter within twenty-four (24) hours.

Yeah, yeah ... I know ... much drama, but cut me some slack I'm feeling mighty special right now--and that's special without the quotation marks ... LOL.

Peace and blessings,
Dee

Summer Book Scavenger Hunt!

Hi Folks,

Have I got a gift for you! A chance to test your Internet savvy and win some books as well.

Fellow author, Trista Russell of EbonyAuthors.com sponsors three separate scavenger hunts. Forty authors, forty books and three chances to win!

The only stipulation, you must join her mailing list in order to participate. So hurry up and join and happy hunting to ya!

Peace,
Dee

Summer Book Scavenger Hunts

The scavenger hunts will be held on:

July 12th, August 16th, and September 13th

Participants will search the Internet to answer the 20 questions that will be listed below (websites will be provided with the questions) on July 12th and also sent via e-mail in the Ebony Authors newsletter. The first person to return to this webpage and enter all of the correct answers will receive 10 books. The second person will receive 3 books, and the third 2 books. All books are signed and will be mailed directly from the authors. Books titles and authors listed below.

Rules:

#1 You must be on the ebonyauthors.com mailing list to participate. If not, click here to join!

Scavenger Hunts Book List

• A Dream Come True, by Michael T. Owens


• Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating, by D.S. White


• Backroom Confessions, by Rose Jackson-Beavers


• Blind Temptations, by Lesley Hal


• Caught Up, by Deatri


• Changing Faces, Changing places, by Sydney Molare


• Daddy's Girl, by Linda D. Wattley


• Devil In The Mist, by Diane Dorce


• Diary of a Street Diva, by Ashley Jaquavis


• Dirt Ball Bad, by Lesley Nowlin


• Dirty Little Secrets, by Joy King


• Every Woman Needs a Wife, by Lissa Woodson


• Fatal Desire, by Jessica Tilles


• Going Broke, by Trista Russell


• How to Get Over Him and Learn From Your Mistakes, by Honilovee


• If I Ruled the World, by Joylynn Jossel


• KARMA, by Hashim Conner


• Lawd Mo Drama, by Tina McKinney


• Love Me Carefully, by A.C. Arthur


• Love, Pleasure and Pain, by Corlis Martin


• Make You Love Me, by Latonya Williams


• Mistaken Identity, by Sylvia Hubbard


• Mode One: Let The Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking, by Alan Roger Currie


• My Invisible Husband, by Shelia Goss


• My Woman His Wife, by Anna J


• Peace In The Storm, by Elissa Gabrielle


• Second Time Shame on Me, by Erica N. Martin


• Sooner or Later, by Cheryl Talley Moss


• The Art of Walking through Fires, by Beverly Welch


• The Mayor's Wife Wore Sapphires, by Marti Tucker


• The Party, by Saundra E. Harris


• The Product, by Marcus A. Parker


• The Rotation, by Jackie Young


• The Roux in the Gumbo, by Kim Robinson


• Two's Enough Three's A Crowd, by Brenda M. Hampton


• When Death Comes a Knockin', by Vanessa Johnson

How Ya Like Meh Now?

We're looking pretty good y'all! Check out the latest results of a "who links to me" search:

Summary of results:

• Google Page Rank for this page:
  


• WhoLinksToMe.com results are currently disabled while we work some bugs out w/ the latest crawl.


• Blogrolling.com has found 0 blogrolls that contain this link.


• MSN Search has found 20 links to this site.


• Alexa Traffic Details: aijan.atwc1.com


• Technorati Search: aijan.atwc1.com


• Icerocket Search: aijan.atwc1.com

Review: Why You're Still Single

Things Your Friends Would Tell You if You Promised Not to Get Mad
by Evan Marc Katz and Linda Holmes
Publisher: A PLUME BOOK, www.penguin.com
Category: Self-Help/Relationships
Reviewed by D.S. White for Read Zone Book Reviews

"The Power of No: The ability to say no in a relationship, in bed, or anywhere else exhibits the kind of confidence that it takes to walk away and be a happy single and, therefore, be happy in a couple. If you establish your worth, you never have to settle for less." Pg 33

With the above-mentioned quote I have to say, the authors do sum up the plight/condition/life (your word of choice here) of single folk quite well. One must know one's worth.

This passage and others made me think about myself a bit. As they discussed several key behaviors that may be off-putting, the one that jumped out at me was: insecurity.

Me? Insecure?

I know, I know ... shocked me too. For years I had everyone convinced (and myself too) that I had all my stuff together, that I'd successfully overcome the triple threat of abuse, bipolar disorder and rape. I just knew I was All that and a Bag of Chips!

To be frank, I'd done okay with those three, they were upfront ailments and were dealt with as such; but the sneaky sucker was abandonment.

Due to health issues, my mother left Trinidad for the US of A when I was six years old. Athough we were reunited at age thirteen when I joined her, unbeknownst to me, lurking in some small corner of my psyche was the message: the people you love always leave, so do whatever is necessary to ensure that they stay around.

That being said:

I have been known to create a problem where there was none, just because I'm used to the constant struggle of life. In fact, if things go too smoothly, I think something is wrong with it, me and definitely the party involved, so I must then investigate, interrogate, infiltrate and then annihilate the non-existent problem (and of course the relationship as a fallout).

Before I even read this book, I had a little talk with God. Well, actually, He had a little talk with me, for two years ... but I kept hanging up the phone on Him, because He wasn't saying what I wanted to hear, but finally, when you've done the same thing for the fiftieth time and received the same result--you answer the question, "Is it me or?" honestly: it was me!

About the Book:

The subtitle: "things your friends would tell you if you promised not to get mad" is quite on target because certain chapters either make you mad at yourself or at your friends and family for never pointing them out, whether you got mad or not. The book is divided into eight sections:

• You're knocking Yourself Out of the Game
• You're Just Not That into Yourself
• You're Being a Bitch
• You Know How to Be the Girl Friend, but Not the Girlfriend
• You're the Patron Saint of Lost Causes
• You Fight Like a Girl
• You're Boring Him in the Bedroom
• You're Missing the Signals for When to Get Out ... and When to Stick Around

Armed with a sense of cheek and at times downright irreverance, the authors take you through a journey of contemplation, emphasizing your sense of worth and the bottom line, you have a right to choice: to be single or not and to be a happy single or not.

About the Authors:

EVAN MARC KATZ is the founder of E-cyrano.com, an online dating consulting service that partners wht JDate and other dating sites. He has been featured on CNN, Fox, NPR, and the Today Show, and, yes, he is , in fact, single and living in Los Angeles.LINDA HOLMES writes as "Miss Alli" for Television Without Pity and is a frequent contributor to MSNBC.com. She lives in Minneapolis.

Key positives:

• The authors' voice is that of everyday folk who happen to be single and not gods on a pedestal who have rarified advice to share.
• The authors themselves are still single so you're not hearing about being single from someone who sleeps with a human blanket.
• The authors keep it real (translation: blunt). At times a little too real (for me) in terms of language and approach to topic.
• The book encompasses the male and female point of view, therefore is not one-sided.

Key Negatives:

• Irreverence.
• Blue language.

Rating:

This book earned 4 out 5 stars for humor, honesty and sustained relevance throughout the book.

Comparable books (My List):

• Woman, Thou Art Loosed: Healing the Wounds of the Past by T. D. Jakes
• The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord by T. D. Jakes
• Promises From God For Single Women by T. D. Jakes

Comparable books (Amazon):

• I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating by Evan Marc Katz
• Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We're Still Single by Jillian Straus
• Why Men Marry Bitches : A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart by Sherry Argov
• I Love You, Nice to Meet You : A Guy and a Girl Give the Lowdown on Coupling Up by Lori Gottlieb
• It's Not You, It's Him : The Zero-Tolerance Approach to Dating by Georgia Phd Witkin

-----

Dee S. White writes creative non-fiction, and has just completed her first blook (book based on a blog). She is the founder of Dee411 a website with links to articles and resources for victims of abuse and rape and resources for sufferers of bipolar disorder. She has lived in the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago, Maryland, New York and now resides in Pennsylvania. Dee receives email at mailto:dee. (Remove spaces)

An Interview with Cenk Butunley of My Best Date.co.uk

Cenk: Hi Dee, thanks a lot for your interest in an interview.

Dee: Hi Cenk, thank you for consenting. I took a look at the site and having some online dating experience under my belt, I noted that you offered something I've yet to see offered by other sites, so when the opportunity presented itself, I took it:

Q: Why an online dating website?

A: I met my wife on internet on 1999, after a year we got married. That was the time when my thinking about online dating sites and internet romance changed. It was a dream at first to build a website but as I was a junior developer, I had the chance for mastering a dating site in the future which I eventually did. My primary objective has never changed since then, to bring busy or shy people together for helping them to build a future and family, like I did.

Q: You're based in the UK, but you say you're international? I live in USA how would it work for me?

A: Yes we are based in UK but 25 percent of our members are from US and we have so many success stories from them who found their matches through our dating site.Some of them relocated to UK, some of them found their matches in their country. And technically, our members can meet UK and/or US singles with the help of an advanced search function by country or distance searching for the UK.

Q: I notice that your services are free for women but there's a fee for men. What your basis for that decision?

A: Yes, our services are 100% FREE for women and there is a small fee for men after a 3-day trial period just for covering our costs for providing these services. According to our past surveys, men believe in internet romance and online dating more than women. For us to be able to create a successful community and a dating site, we believed keeping the number of men and women profiles in balance would be the best approach. So we decided to make our site more attractive for women and that was how this idea was born.

Q: Have you used your own service? If so, what was the outcome?

A: My wife and I have used our dating service for finding new friends and actually we've met a couple who met each other on our dating site and that was the biggest happiness for me to see that this dating service is actually working.

Q: You offer a guarantee, (which makes me inclined to try it myself) how can you possibly back that up?

A: We didn't tell our members what that guarantee means as we wanted to make them a nice surprise--when they think their membership is nearly over. (and some of our members did actually receive this surprise). So, what does it really mean? For our subscribed members, if they subscribe with us for 3 or 6 months and cannot find the happiness within that time, we are providing the same period of time FREE of charge.

Q: As you can tell from my questions, the guarantee has piqued my curiousity, what would you say to me that would make my curiousity turn into membership?

A: What we aim to do is bring lonely singles together and share their happiness with the help our services. We do not tolerate scammers and money hunters. We have a special partner(antiscammer.net) checking our member profiles regularly to prevent such crimes. So your personal profile and dating life is in good and safe hands and we are not just another dating site to empty your pocket, we are here to give you a hand to improve your personal life.

Thanks again for this interview opportunity on your newsletter. As you can see, I am not the type of person who can easily turn an interview in to an advertisement. I want to congratulate you for your efforts on your blog and this newsletter idea. It really is good for you and your site.

Thanks a lot and take care for now,
Cenk

Why You're Still Single

by Evan Marck Katz & Linda Holmes.



Hey folks,

I've just received the above-mentioned book for review. It fits perfectly within our genre doesn't it?

From the backcover of the book:

"This book isn't about catching men or reeling anybody in. Catching is for nine-year-olds playing freeze tag, and reeling is for trout.... This is about you, considering the possibility that you're tripping over your own feet--no matter how much of an amazing, smart, hot, totally worthwhile ass-kicker you may be as a general rule."
--Linda

Some food for thought:

• If you wouldn't date the "women are bitches" guy, don't be the "men are pigs" woman.
• If he doesn't want to talk, he won't.
• Act like a crazy person, and you'll be treated like one.
  
  

Here's a new approach--just in case "It's not you, it's him" is starting to sound old.

EVAN MARC KATZ is the founder of E-cyrano.com, an online dating consulting service that partners wht JDate and other dating sites. He has been featured on CNN, Fox, NPR, and the Today Show, and, yes, he is , in fact, single and living in Los Angeles.

LINDA HOLMES writes as "Miss Alli" for Television Without Pity and is a frequent contributor to MSNBC.com. She lives in Minneapolis.

They can be contacted at http://evanmarckatz.com.

What I've read so far has been delightful and on point. Stay tuned for the full review.

Peace,
Dee

Introduction

MEET DIVINE: female, thirty-seven, slaphappy, young at heart, self-employed; an online newbie, living in New York. She is fresh out of a long-term relationship and has completed the two-year mandatory wound-licking I-hate-men mourning period. Unfortunately for Divine, someone neglected to inform her that dating has been upgraded to new millennium level. But maybe she shouldn’t worry...hemlines aren’t the only things that have gone up.

Thirty-somethings are premium dating material now... at least for the twenty-year-olds … Divine’s experiences are the basis for the story I call Age Is Just a Number, a lens through which to view the world of online dating.

Since the year 2003, I’ve logged much time online—chatting, emailing and IMing. In that time, I’ve probably spoken with over two hundred people, male and female, and I’ve realized something:

I’ve realized that there are many Divines in the world. They come in all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and financial brackets, drawn together by a commonality, a deep-seated loneliness or hunger for something—and by the generally accepted idea that the solution is in finding a mate.

This recounting, although entertaining, is intended to acknowledge that such a need exists, affirm the validity of that need, share the pain, caution the naïve, and pose the question that maybe...just maybe...the accepted solution ought to be an ongoing relationship with God.

In this blook you’ll find online dating articles, reviews and recommendations of online dating sites, a few extras, and of course, the first twelve episodes of serial Age is Just a Number.

Welcome to my world!

Peace,
Dee

To continue reading the story starts here

Blog of the Week!

Hello Folks,

We've a new "Blog of the Week" in the sidebar: "The Battle Rock Spot"

The Battle Rock Spot rests on the bank of a Wyoming river where two large rocks jut out of the ground. The rocks stand broadside to one another, like great ships locked in an endless battle. It was an excellent setting for the campaigns of two eight-year-old admirals. Yet though the cannons have grown silent, the scene remains an ideal metaphor for many of the conflicts fought among the minds of admirals long retired.

Please give "The Battle Rock Spot" a lovely AIJAN welcome!

Peace,
Dee

I Believe the Jeffersons

said it best.

Well we're moving on up
Moving on Up
To the top
Moving on up
To a deluxe blog system
On my own hosting!

That's right... the move is complete. All the unpacking has not been completed, but visits are welcome at the new address.

I look forward to seeing and hearing from you!

Peace,
Dee

Bloggy Award

Hi Folks,

Peeking in from the rarified world of writing, edits and such. I was just doing a who links to me search on this blog and discovered that the review I'd requested from Bloggy Award had been posted since February, mind you!

Boy have I really been out of it.

Anyway, we're looking pretty good -- Overall experience 8, but don't take my word for it. Check it out yourself.

Peace,
Dee

Pardon My Tacky Manners...

I'm just a little bummed, but that is no excuse.

So, donning my curtsy body language and facial expression, I'd like to say thanks to everyone who took the time to nominate me, D.S. White for the "Best New Author Award" at Cushcity.com.

I didn't make the top twenty but two of my girls did. Renee Flagler and Trista Russell, both up and coming authors and entrepreneurs in their own right. I don't want to slant your choices, but I will state that although I like them both, I could only vote for one of them. If you're of a mind to vote, click on their links and read about them then give one of them your vote for the author of your choice.

(At least now I don't have to figure out what to do with a cruise I didn't want to win... LOL.)

Thanks again and peace,
Dee

Foreword

This book (or "blook" as it has been recently coined)is based heavily on my blog Age Is Just a Number, which was created to recount an extraordinary two-year span of my life. Due to my hectic work schedule and doubts about the feasibility of readership, project AIJAN ground to a halt after a mere two episodes.

First I tried listing it in the Memoirs section of a serial Website, keepingitcoming.net. My story sat and sat and sat, with nary a purchaser. I could tell folks were clicking on the page, but there was no purchase in sight—not even during the buy-one-story-full-price, get-another-for-a-penny sale!

My brash confidence took a beating! My story had drama, betrayal, flashers and more ... add to that a snazzy cover image with a gorgeous model (me ... LOL). What more did they want?

By the way, you will be seeing "LOL" a lot. It's an internet abbreviation that means "Laughing Out Loud." When I first began to use Instant Messaging I thought it meant "Lots of Love," which gave me quite a fuzzy feeling about the internet, but you'll read more about that later.)

I rallied. I tried pumping the story on my own Web sites and was again disappointed, if not befuddled. This was great stuff! Had the whole world gone mad? Then one day, in an email from one of my writing groups, the word "blog" turned up. "I've just updated my blog!"

What, pray tell, is a blog? I asked myself. I then clicked my way to the neatest discovery since sliced bread—blogging! Once I dusted off my flailing confidence and began blogging, I realized that I’d found my niche! Something about a blog and the word "publish" seems to get my creative juices flowing in a way that Microsoft Word does not.

A few weeks went by and I received a sporadic comment or two—nothing like the droves I'd envisioned. But just about the time my confidence again began to dwindle, I made another phenomenal discovery via another blogger's post--BlogExplosion! A traffic exchange Web site, where for every two blogs you surf, you receive one visit, BlogExplosion meant a new beginning for me. It didn't take me long to realize that extended surfing equaled visits, and visits equaled feedback—otherwise known as comments!

Due to copyright issues, this blook is not an exact replica of the AIJAN blog. Certain posts found online are not in the blook and vice versa. In addition, all pictures except those of me or taken by me have been deleted from the print version.

I did try to maintain the conversational tone and overall feel of the blogging experience. I've also held onto comments that enhanced the original posts. The beauty of linking was preserved in the Links section. In addition, I've retained the original dates so that you can have an idea of the time frame of the book. You have the option of reading straight through to get that "as-it-occurred" feeling, or you may utilize the table of contents to read by category. A glossary has also been provided for terms that might be unfamiliar.

Best New Author Award

Okay folks,

I sure could use your help on this one.

I'd like you to take a moment to nominate me, D.S. White, for the Best New Author Award at Cushcity.com.

Nominate you, you ask? But I've not even read your book as yet… what's up with that?

To that I say:--If you’ve read one of my posts and either been moved to tears, burst into laughter, thought, "how'd she know?" or said to yourself, “she ain’t neva lied!” --Then I'm talking to you.


I parlayed the same conversational tone and keep-it-real attitude of my blogs into my book, so please nominate, and then vote for me, D.S. White.

To do so, send an email to nominations@cushcity.com, with D.S. White, Best New Author Award in the subject line.

NOTE: You may only nominate me once, but when the voting begins, you may vote more than once.

Nominations must come from friends (that’s you), family, business associates and reading fans, (you again). The twenty (20) authors who receive the most nominations will be tallied and the list of 20 will be announced by March 10th, 2006. The nomination process is just the first half, so I'll keep you posted.

First Place Author Wins:
FREE accommodations for a 7-day cruise to Ocho Rios, Jamaica; Grand Cayman Islands; and Cozumel, Mexico with the CushCity Staff and Authors: Zane, Carl Weber, Mary Morrison and ReShonda Tate Billingsley, and comedians from the "Holla!" DVD series. And also a complete CushCity.com marketing/promotion package as Premier Author.

Now, just between you and me, I’m not real crazy about being on an oversized boat and traveling into international waters. The way I’ve been reading it lately, some folk don’t make it back alive…but I sure would like that CushCity.com marketing/promotion package as a Premier Author.

Also, I think that entering the contest is a good way to start some name recognition going on.

So if you’d like to help me accomplish the above, nominate me, D.S. White, for Best New Author Award!

Thanks in advance,
Dee

What Women Say and What They Really Mean

Hi folks,

Just thought I'd give you a break from my sales pitch... LOL. Here's another email special that I thought you'd enjoy:

Men and women are very distinct creatures. While men have a tendency to be straightforward, women are often not so simple. When trying to understand what she really means, you are sometimes better off reading between the lines.

(1) She says: "I don't want to ruin our friendship."
What she means: I am not attracted to you, or I don't feel enough chemistry to date you -- but I do like you as friend.

Why she does this: She probably does want to remain friends, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by admitting that she doesn't feel the same attraction for you.

What you should do: Don't take it personally; she just doesn't feel the same chemistry as you do. Take the hint and work on being friends with her, if that's what you want.

(2) She says: "I'm just so busy with work right now."
What she means: I am not interested in fitting you into my schedule.

Why she does this: She wants to let you down easy. Instead of being blunt, she is hoping you'll just get the picture.

What you should do: When a woman likes a man, she will always find time for him -- no matter what her schedule is like. So don't kid yourself into thinking that the situation might change. Instead, move on right away.

(3) She says: "Are you seeing anyone right now?"
What she means: I might like to submit an application for the position of your girlfriend.

Why she does this: She wants to make sure she is not wasting her precious flirting energy on a man who is already spoken for.

What you should do: Answer honestly, and then hit her up for her phone number.

(4) She says: "Do you really want to go to that restaurant/movie/dinner party?"
What she means: I really don't want to go to.


Why she does this: She doesn't want to go, but she doesn't want to appear stubborn either. She is probably hoping you'll sense her hesitation and come up with an alternate plan that pleases her.

What you should do: If you have your heart set on going to that particular destination, stick to your guns. Otherwise, you might want to switch up in order to please her. Remember this: If you keep her happy, she'll keep you happy.

(5) She says: "You have a knack for dealing with kids. They really seem to respond to you."
What she means: I am contemplating eventually having children with you and am wondering where you stand in that department.

Why she does this: An indirect question is her way of feeling you out without freaking you out.

What you should do: Don't freak out. She is probably thinking very distantly into the future (yes, women do this). If, however, you absolutely positively know that you never want kids, this would be a good time to say it.

(4) She says: "Where is this relationship going?"
What she means: I would like us to graduate to a more serious, exclusive relationship.

Why she does this: She wants you to be the one to suggest exclusivity.

What you should do: This depends on whether or not you actually want exclusivity. If so, suggest it. If not, let her know that you care about her, but are not interested in being exclusive right now.

(5) She says: "I feel so close to you right now. You know me so well."
What she means: I am starting to feel the l-word, but I don't want to be the first to say it.

Why she does this: It's a scary thing to be the first to say "I love you." It's much easier for her to hint and hope that you'll take the plunge first.

What you should do: Do not -- under any circumstances -- say the l-word if you don't mean it. If you do feel it, then go ahead; otherwise, don't say anything. In the long run, you'll be happy not to get entangled in such a lie.

(6) She says: "I feel like our relationship is stuck in a routine right now."
What she means: I want you to be more romantic and spontaneous, and surprise me more. I need you to pay more attention to my needs.

Why she does this: She doesn't want to hurt your feelings and admit that you are, in part, the cause of the rut.

What you should do: You don't need to change your personality entirely, but it wouldn't kill you to surprise her every once in a while. Call her out of the blue and tell her you're taking her for dinner, go on a spontaneous weekend away, or just surprise her with her favorite chocolates.

(7) She says: "A man was flirting with me all night."
What she means: Does it make you jealous?

Why she does this: She wants you to know that she's a hot commodity and that other men are interested in her. She wants you to appreciate what you have.

What you should do: Don't respond to it in a way she'll expect, like by getting angry or jealous. Instead, pay her a compliment -- she's definitely fishing for it. Don't get all insane with jealousy; just let her know what she means to you, or else she'll be playing this card every so often to set you straight.

(8) She says: "Do you get along well with your mother?"
What she means: Are you a family man?

Why she does this: A man who gets along with his mother tends to be more loyal, sensitive and devoted -- at least that's the stereotype that a lot of women buy into.

What you should do: Talk about how close you and your mother are; you could even tell a couple of stories. Just enough to affirm that yes, you get along with her.

Contest in the Hizzouse!

Alright people,

Since I've now joined the ranks of authorship, I have to do what authors do. Beg, plead, advertise, promote and offer freebies!

That being said...

Here's to our first contest!

Starting as of 1 minute after this post is published until midnight of February 28th. A free copy of Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating is being offered up for random drawing!

Please send a blank email with "AIJAN Contest" in the subject line to this email address: dee411@gmail.com to be entered in the contest.

Here's to the winner in you!

Why Don't I Just Shoot Myself in the Foot?

Okay, I owe the judges of the Lulu Blooker Prize an apology. In my last post, I called them all 45 plus and one of them is five years younger than I am. Not only that, I also inferred that they were less than hip and happening folk.

In my dumb defense, I was so excited about the competition that I didn't have time to read their bios, I just looked at their pics and made a judgment across the board. Ironic isn't it? I just committed an act against another that I've been fighting against all my life--that people look at me and just see an African American female and because of that, make sweeping judgments.

1) Lazy
2) Sub par intelligence
3) Ghetto fabulous

And I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

There I was scrolling along, when I thought I'd check the Blooker Blog to see if there were any updates. I clicked on over there and there was one! A reminder of the contest deadline and an update of the blogs submitted.

Oh joy! AIJAN was proudly listed in the sidebar with my name and everything. So I clicked on it and began re-reading the post. Oh No!

Reading it as though I were one of the judges, it could have been considered offensive. So I made changes to the original text, but now I'm thinking... after all the hard work I put into the blook as well as that of my editor, layout artist and graphic artist to sideline myself with a comment that could be deemed offensive by someone who is not as familiar with my thought processes as you are.

Darn... why don't I just shoot myself in the foot?

Anyway, it is my hope that the judge who posted the link, was so busy he didn't have a time to read my post.

I'm sorry guys!

Signed:
Humbled Author,
Dee

Father Knows Best

This cover to the left, is the cover that I wanted to use for AIJAN, but at the last minute we realized that no one had gotten copyright clearance … Arghhhhh. So the cover the the right was used.

You see this image is a composition of the following two images, plus a bit extra drawing. Although the image was so pixilated that Deborah had to practically redraw the entire thing, credit still needed to be attributed where due.

Ah the dilemma of desire vs integrity!

Although everything in me wanted soooo badly to use the above image. I’ve realized that when God interrupts what appears to be a perfect plan, idea, or thought... it's for a purpose and it behooves me to heed said interruption.

That said, I showed both covers to some of the trusted folks at the office (all Caucasian) and all of them preferred the actual cover.

Once I thought about it, I chuckled to myself, because I realized where God was coming from. I was choosing my cover with my usual target audience in mind: Late Teen to middle-age African Americans, but the contest judges are middle-age Caucasians--it helps to properly target your audience.

And not only that… once I stepped away from it a bit and really examined the cover, it’s really more of a cover for a novel, which AIJAN is not--Creative Non-Fiction, maybe, but not a novel. I’d hate for someone to purchase based on the cover expecting a novel and walk away disappointed. I hate when that happens to me.

So all I can say once again is, "Thank You God!"

Clarification

Since I've been asked this question repeatedly (and this is in no way a complaint!) let me clarify.

Although not officially released, the blook is available for sale. Just be aware that there's no ISBN and a few typos which I've caught, which will be corrected at the application of the ISBN in the next month.

Thanks soooo much for your encouragement and interest!

Dee

It's a Wrap!

Hello Folks,

Just a brief note to share the great news that all deadlines have been met and project AIJAN for Lulu Blooker Award 2006 is a wrap!

Thanks to the gifts, time and talents of the Thomson sisters, Rachel who edited, Becky who did layout (and pulled an all-nighter to boot) and Deborah did the cover you see here.

I don't know when I've been on such a high. Oh wait... I know. The high of hearing my first song combats this a bit. But with this comes the realization of a dream twenty-four years in the making. (Paused to whisper, "Thank You God!")

Although the blook (book based on a blog) won't be officially released until June of this year, (once I purchase my own ISBN's and set up my publishing press) here is a sneak peek at my first contribution to the literary world.

Celebrate with me:

Hurray! I'm an author, I'm an author!

Peace,
Dee

A Word from the 30-Something Crowd

Another humorous gem culled from my emails. (What would I do for posts without email? Btw... this is the American version, remind me to give you the West Indian version of this later on, when I'm done with the whole blog to blook thing.)

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ..uphill BOTH ways... yadda,yadda, yadda. And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! There were no MP3's or Napsters!

You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! And talk of about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options! We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! ... Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little gremlins!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire...imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that Stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about!

You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
-The 30 Something crowd!