Reflection: Noteworthy Accomplishments of 2005

There's so much I want to accomplish in this life that my schedule is always overbooked, which at times results in my feeling overwhelmed, a sense of frustration, a bit of self castigation and most of the time--self doubt.

One of my goals for this past year was to trust God more and live in the present. Looking at my improved sense of self-worth and mental stability, I believe I accomplished that goal.

So with nary a "shoulda, coulda, woulda" thought (in no particular order) I pridefully yet humbly present my noteworthy accomplishments for 2005!

• A new mini bio:
  
  D.S. White Her motto: I am who I am by the grace of God A strong black woman, Dee has realized forgiveness is essential to achieve the peace she has sought all her life. She has come to terms with the angst of her birth and realizes even her name has purpose in God's eyes. She's real enough to admit that some of her limitations in life were self-induced. She's not ashamed to admit she's not perfect, and at times may need to be lovingly reminded that "it's not about you!" But she prays she will always surround herself with people who will hold her accountable to the need to have and show compassion.
  
• Participation in NaNoWriMo in November 2005. Although I did not win (complete 50,000 words), I got almost halfway there with a total of 23,000 words which is approximately 77 pages! This from a woman who in November of 2004 could not conceive of participating.
  
• Blogging - More of a discovery than an accomplishment, but listed here because it facilitated my confidence to participate in NaNoWriMo. It also served as a tool to make new friends all over the world. With it I was able to reconnect with friends here in the US of A and my family in Trinidad. Its semi-anonymous feel, aided my quest to be a voice in bringing a few key issues to the forefront and last but not least an open platform to share my testimony.
  
• At the request of a homie I met on BP (see, it does have redemptive qualities…LOL). I realized another gift I didn’t even know I had--songwriting! In an awesome marriage of two of my gifts, (writing and singing), I penned my very first lyrics “Believe in Me”. Now those of you, who know my story, will realize that these lyrics are directed at myself as much as to anyone else who has ever doubted the validity of God’s Love or their worth as a person.
  
  Curious? *Click here to listen to a rough version (and I mean rough, because it was recorded at the tail end of an all-nighter in the studio).
  
• Publication of one of my short stories/articles, “Choices: To Do or Not to Do…The Ex” in the relationship section on SisterDivas Magazine Website.
  
• Obtaining an awesome Christian Editor, who resides in Canada, but with the aid of the internet and USPS we make it work! Don’t you just love technology!
  
• Official start of planned monthly mother/daughter activities for my daughter and I. To think, at twenty, she still wants to hang out with her moms! I must have done something right!
  
• Creation and successful maintenance of six individual blogs and one compilation of all my blogs.

P.S. I’ll probably add more as I think of them, but these are those that have come to mind, thus far.

*NOTE: For safety purposes, this preview link will be removed shortly, so get your listen on ASAP.

Rentals in Review

Please join me in welcoming this week's "Blog of the Week" renter, snlash of Mystickal Incense & More Blog. Don't be shy, skip on over to the sidebar, click, browse and comment! Oh and while you're there, would you let her know that with her double rental, she's earned herself a premium spot for a month on Dear Abbyliqua? Thanks.

When BlogExplosion instituted its “Rent My Blog” advertising program I wasn't quite sure how it was going to work out. I mean, would anyone want to rent my blogs or would anyone rent me a space on their blog?

New to the idea of blogging it was precious and maybe even a little scary for me. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I've since relaxed and take things less seriously, but I do want to acknowledge my renters past and present in order of appearance:

Mike of Ramblings and Rhetoric led the way, followed by writer Jeremy Shipp of Haunted House Dressing, then by Tara’s Living with ADD Blog, then Jeremy of Haunted House Dressing returned for two back-to-back rentals by, followed by A Shellbug’s Life, The Blogging Boss a/k/a Eric, followed by another writer, Dana, of Southern Gal Goes North, OneManBandWidth, Dariana of Wild Horses & Winter Dreams, Becky of Joyful Mother and Jon of Jon's Journal on Police Pursuits.

So there you have it...the renters of 2005. Please take a moment to visit them.

That's More Like It! (6)

Tuesday, March 25, 2003:

I checked BV to see if I got any notes. Only two notes, not up to BP standards, but it will do.

The first note was from Jagman (not a bad name) so I opened it. He is from Maryland, (ok a plus), 5’ 10’1/2” tall, (another plus), no pic, (cancelled out the other pluses).

He wanted to know why I was on there and why am I single.

An old pro on fielding that question by now, I responded by telling him, I was single by choice. (Hmm…a cheating fiancé and a cheating husband?) I replied that I’d dropped the zeroes and was holding out for a hero.

Right away he responded and made it clear that he is looking for someone and isn't prepared to do the phone/email thing for any length of time. He also wanted to set up a meeting.

Although gratified by his straightforward attitude, it was a little scary and off putting. I’m not one for too much B.S. or flattery, but a little wouldn’t have hurt! Aside from his inferred compliment by asking me what am I doing on that site. His compliment quota is in no danger of being reached.

I am a contrary mess, aren’t I? I don’t trust effusive compliments, and this brother is doing everything I say I prefer…so what’s the problem? It’s just a feeling I have.

Oh wow! V8 moment, he didn’t mention anything about his beliefs and I was so busy focusing on the lack of compliments I totally missed that.

You’re slipping girl. Priorities, remember?

Christian male equals fewer headaches. Say it with me now, Christian male equals fewer headache! Okay.

To Be Continued…

Just joining us? Here's what you've missed so far: Synopsis, (1), (2), (3), (4) and (5)

My Way of Saying Thanks!

Springboarding off of Guppyman’s idea to have a Christmas sale for the rental of space on his blog, I've come up with my own way of saying thanks to my all my renters of 2005 and especially my TOP six renters!

Thanks to BE’s wonderful stats. I can tell who's rented my blog and how often. I'm going to tally up the stats of the six blogs I have listed at BE and the top six renters will be featured in my sidebar as "Blog of the Month" right above the "Blog of the Week" spot from BE for the month of January, 2006.

I will post and notify the owners of the top six blogs. I will also rank my blogs in order of performance from most traffic/unique hits/clicks to least traffic/unique hits/clicks so that the top ranking blog will go to the top renter and the second ranking blog to the second frequent renter and so forth.

And to all other renters you will each be mentioned in my recap of the year post due out by 12/31/05.

Thanks again, it was wonderful having you all as tenants!

Holiday Lonelies?

The holidays have a way of making those of us who are single, painfully aware of our state of singleness. Some of us are single by choice, some by circumstance and others by lack of what they would consider "good candidates".

It is to the latter group I address the following excerpt* from an email I received, the points made therein put a different perspective on our possibilities and bear thinking about as we assess what we've accomplished for the past year and plan our goals and strategies for the upcoming year.

Playmate vs. Lifemate

In our quest for happiness we must be sure that we don't settle for a Playmate when God has a Life mate waiting for us. Sometimes this is a hard distinction to make. Playmates are tricky. They are so much fun to be with that even the smartest of us will be fooled into thinking this has to be our Life mate. Worse yet too many of us attempt to make a Soul mate out of a Playmate.

The danger of this is that later, after years of playing we will meet our Life mate, but it may be too late then. We may have already made a Life mate of our Playmate and created life-long bonds (emotional, children, etc.) Or we may have been hurt from playing so hard that we are in no shape ourselves to be anyone's anything. How can we distinguish between the One, and just another one?

First, we must be open with ourselves about who we really are and what our heart yearns. Only you and God know what is truly in your heart and mind. Only you and God know what will make you truly happy and whole.

In order to find your Life mate you have to know yourself, first.

You must be willing to listen to that inner voice. And that voice might be telling you that the nerdy person with whom you enjoy talking and sharing your thoughts, could be him. Or what about that friend who is always willing to go the extra mile for you when no one else will.

Oh no! He's too short or too tall, balding or too hairy, and on and on? Just too ordinary looking for me! Then there's that girl who makes you feel so special when you 're around her, but she doesn't match that ideal you have conjured in your head. She's too tall, not slender enough, not light or dark enough, not shapely enough, not attractive enough, and on and on. She just couldn't be for me! So what if he or she doesn't look like Denzel Washington or Halle Berry!

He or she is going to treat you like the jewel that you are. Stand by your side when things are rough and respect you during those rough times and not judge you, but help uplift you.

Not only that, his or her heart and yours will commune in ways you never imagined possible! In order to heed that voice, we have to put on the back burner our own superficial thinking. Could it be that your inner desire is for a truly genuine person with a good heart? If you enjoy playing, stay on the playground. There are plenty of Playmates out there to occupy your time.

But don't spend too much time playing or you may play your life away. Eventually the playing loses it appeal and your heart begins to crave a deeper, more meaningful connection. Your heart begins to crave your Life mate.

*The original article was titled Playmate vs. Soul mate. I changed it to Playmate vs. Life mate because I firmly believe that the only soul mate we can have is God.

Twice the Fun! (5)

Friday, March 21, 2003:

Flush with the results of my newfound “popularity” I decided that if they loved me on BP why not try Blackvoices (BV) as well? One site great fun, two sites twice the fun! I uploaded my jean and sweatshirt photo (the cause of my new found popularity) copied and pasted the content of my BP page (including the business Ad) right into BV.

As I waited for my picture to upload, I reflected on the budding friendship with ShutterTwo as a result of my hello. We emailed each other back and forth on BP and through our communication; I’d learned a bit more about how BP operates.

After clearly defining the friendship parameters, it seemed as though we both felt comfortable enough to keep it real.

I asked him about his experiences on BP and heard about his stalker babe, who obviously hadn’t checked the stalker handbook beforehand. She was caught in plain view hanging outside his apartment. He also warned me about the perverts and deviants (a bit late, I’d already seen a sausage on cam, which had traumatized me for a whole week, and made me think twice about this online dating business, but that’s another story).

When I expressed my disappointment at the brevity of responses I received, after the promising and only note I’d received from Tenrag. (No I didn’t tell him his name! That’s just between you and me). Pickings had been slim. That’s when he mentioned that my Driver License photo, which I’d thought looked pretty decent, looked like a mug shot.

He also suggested that I substitute the jean clad photo I had at the bottom of the page, for that picture. Since he is a male and I’m trying to attract, a male. I took his advice. Good thing I did, too!

Finished loading the pic, I minimized the window and began updating my website. This took about four hours and during that time frame I clicked the BV window to check for notes—nothing. What--they don’t like me over here? No matter I’ll just log onto BP where they LOVE me!

To be continued…

Just joining us? Here's what you've missed so far: Synopsis, (1), (2), (3) and (4)

The LuLu Blooker Award

I know I've just been full of changes and news and no posts lately, but this is the last one...I promise.

I've entered this blog into The Lulu Blooker Prize 2006. The Lulu Blooker Prize is the world's first literary prize devoted to "blooks": books based on blogs or websites.

Awarded in three categories:
Fiction • Non-Fiction • Comics



What, exactly, is a blook?
A blook is a book with content that was developed in a significant way from material originally presented on a blog, web-comic or other website. This material includes the website's characters, themes, ideas or outline that ends up getting published as a printed book.

The full dictionary definition of a blook is as follows:

blook n. blook. A printed and bound book, based on a blog (cf. web log) or website; a new stage in the life-cycle of content, if not a new category of content and a new dawn for the book itself. cf. The Lulu Blooker Prize, ("The Blooker"), a literary prize, founded 2005, for blooks. [der. Eng. book, a bound collection of sheets of paper; blog (abbrev. web log, an internet journal, diary or personal website)]

Why this blog and not one of my others? Well...I guess because you guys have consistently voted for this blog on BlogExplosion battle of the blogs and at 137 this is my highest ranking blog. It also seems to appeal to both men and women which is always a good thing in terms of a book.

So I need to get these posts organized into some kind of format and printed via Lulu.com and three copies mailed out by January 30th, 2006.

Doable...I think.

Here are blooks already submitted

Here are the rules.

Here's the FAQ

Here's the entry form

What are you waiting on? Join me!

More Changes - A New Host!

Well people, I've given myself an early Christmas gift.

As of December 8th, I moved all of my blogs and my marketing website on over to SiteGround.com.

Although a scary endeavor and fraught with thought of all I don't know about downloading and running nifty programs like Drupal, wordpress, Viper Guest Book, ZenCart and more, between their customer service and my buddy Eph2810 who was also doing the same thing, I made it through.

All in all, thus far it's been a fabulous gift, but don't just take my word for it, click the banner below to find out more for yourself!



Singing as she wanders away from the computer,

“So bring us some figgy pudding
so bring us some figgy pudding
so bring us some figgy PUD-DING!
And a cup of good cheer!”

Change is a Coming

Good Morning Folks,

Hope this post finds you well. Just a quick announcement to advise that I’ve changed subscription service from Bloglet to Feedblitz.

Not only does the Feedblitz poll more than once a day, (which gets your updates to you on a more timely fashion), but it also retains most of the formatting so that your feed doesn’t appear as one huge paragraph, (which I personally find off-putting).

It also doesn’t pull my drafts and send them out before I’ve completed my thoughts and edited my post (as it did to me on Friday past…arghhh).

Another difference is that Feedblitz’s email arrives with an attachment and would appear as follows:

FeedBlitz [FeedBlitz] There are 2 new posts in "I’m not getting older, I’m getting better…honest!"

If you have any problems receiving your updates, please do advise and have a blessed day!

Peace,
Dee

The Entrepreneurial Spirit Revisited

Okay people, as y’all know, I’m a former bookstore owner and as such…I’ve still got waaaay too many books lying around my apartment and storage room, just gathering dust. Looking at my bank statement and looking at the books, I decided that it made no sense to hold on to them. So welcome to my clearance sale.

Just to get the ball a-rolling, I’ve listed a mixture of old, new and in-between items at Amazon.com beginning at $0.20 up to $39.50 which will also be listed on a new blog I’m in the process of creating.

Why the blog and Amazon you ask? Well, I utilized Amazon for its quick uploading and wide customer base. Unfortunately, a cost goes with that ease of loading and wide customer base. $0.99 per item sold as well as a 15% commission on the sale price.

The way I see it, the blog will take longer to upload the items, but when all the work is said and done, it will be a better proposition from your point of view, because the prices of the items will be 15% lower.

Take a look around, if you see anything you like, email me or post a comment. Let’s see if we can help each other out. Oh and did I mention? Subscribers will receive an additional 10% discount.

Oh and since the books would have been making zilch on the shelves, I'll find it no hardship to donate my usual Tithe of 10% as well as an additional 10% for the Mission Fund.

Be sure to tell a friend...

Peace,
Dee

Making Overtures (4)

Wednesday, March 19, 2003:

Since Saturday I’ve only received 10 notes! After the quick response of Tenrag on Saturday, I expected a steady flow to my inbox.

What I got were a couple of indecent proposals, spam and three weight trainers wanting to train me. Umm…they must have ESP or something because the only pic up there is my Driver’s License mug shot. (Note to self: take some pictures to scan and different--Soon!)

By late Monday night I was getting a little heated when I happened upon this Brother’s page. He had pictures up, but they seriously we’re not the pull. (Yeah, they caught my eye, no lie.) and But the brother was deep. He was expressing his thoughts so eloquently and humbly I was in awe. I looked at his age and it read 32. Dang, durn, dang and dagnabit! Too young. But I can send a note from one Christian to another, can’t I? So I did.

Dear Shuttertwo:

I quite enjoyed reading your page. Thanks for the peek into your thoughts. It is seldom that I come across a man who speaks so eloquently that humbly about his beliefs, life, and his family.

I pray that you are blessed in all your endeavors.

Peace and blessings,
PrincessDian

What? Yes I did say “blessed in all your endeavors” I was still on my good behavior then.

So satisfied, that I’d made the perfect combination of friendly Christian female, (you could almost see me patting myself on the back), I logged off.

In the meantime, I perused the ten prospects whose profiles I’d painstakingly printed out. My only dilemma, how would these prospects know I was interested? I wouldn’t *gasp* contact them—I’d never done anything like that in my life and I wasn’t about to start now!

Ah well, books to ship, website to update and newsletter to write, I’ll just see what happens.

To Be Continued…

Just joining us? Here's what you've missed so far: Synopsis, (1), (2) and (3)

Thanks For My Memories

You might have noticed that there was no "Happy Thanksgiving" post from me.

As I sat in my chair early yesterday morning attempting to compose a cheerful, upbeat, gosh-darned-glad-to-be-alive post. It just wouldn't come. Whilst I am glad to be alive and not unduly saddened, this year I seem to be undergoing a "what now" phase.

I didn't want to run down the usual list (life, health, strength, family, job), yet I didn't want to appear as though I wasn't thankful, which I am. I then recalled a recent revelation I had while writing a portion of my book-in-progress, which for the purpose of this post I'll title, "Thanks for My Memories" :

Saturday, November 12, 2005
6:46 a.m.

Are You there, God? It’s me, Diane…

This was a particularly harrowing week. It was open enrollment at work and I caught a stomach bug of some kind on Wednesday and couldn’t call in sick because the rest of the folks in my department were out on benefit fairs or meetings about benefits for the year 2006.

As the only African American in my location, great pains were taken to ensure that I was given an opportunity to attend any of the fairs I wanted, to represent the department. At this stage in my work, I really don’t want to meet and greet, all I can think about is the mounds of work awaiting my return.

Either they’re different from all the other companies with which I’ve worked or just really clever.

On Monday past, my supervisor got me a Temp, three days a week, hours 9-3. Thank You God. She doesn’t need much hand holding. We get along like a house on fire and she’s even born in August as well. I knew someone was coming because I saw, what they probably thought were discreet, arrangements being made.
(Computer set up, phone set up etc.)

I just wondered if it would be my replacement or some help. Now that she’s here, I still wonder whether she’s my assistance or replacement, but I’m not too worried, because I know you wrote somewhere that no weapon formed against me will prosper.

I also think my co-worker is jealous or upset or whatever. She hasn’t come out and given me any attitude, but I sense that at the back of her mind is the thought. "How come she gets a Temp?" Could you, would you do something about that please? Send her a message--something. Let her know that it’s not about her, but about the work getting done? Unless she’d like to stop doing what she’s doing, to come assist me? Thanks.

Oh and one more thing? It’s November 12th. I know You know what day it is because You created the time structure and all. But, taking an example from You, You know how You always repeat things of importance? Well, it’s November 12th and the holidays are coming up. Except for a few bad days throughout the year, holidays are really hard for me. What with depression, assessments of my status quo (which is always a disappointment) and the absence of a man. There I said it…absence of a man.

Maybe it’s all the happy coupled people in the commercials, maybe it’s watching my sister and her husband, or my co-workers, bustle around busily. It seems as though the more they bubble and bustle, the emptier I become inside.

I’m not jealous, really I’m not…I got over that some years ago. But at these times, I’m more aware of how different my life is from theirs. I seem to have been fighting being different all my life, which I’ve learned, is a good thing in Your eyes, but sometimes, it’s just so hard.

The overweight thing, I’ve gotten used to and realize that griping about it won’t solve it, unless I get off my butt and start walking again and cut back on my intake. The shortage of funds, that doesn’t even bother me so much anymore, because it seems that with the little I make now, I tithe, pay the bills, repay my family,
provide for my daughter and still, I have left over. I know that’s all you God, because I wouldn’t even have this job, if you hadn’t decided it was the job for me. I’ve seen the resumes of the other candidates who applied for the job and eighty percent of them blew me out of the water.

Btw…did I say thanks for the miracle you performed with the TransitCheks situation last month? If not…Thank You God!

It’s like I become this outsider, watching the world go by. I know Christmas is coming, I know without the birth of Your Son Jesus, I would be in even more of a pickle than I am now. But it seems that everything has become so routine, that at times I just don’t want to do it anymore. Nooo…I don’t mean, not celebrate Jesus’ birthday, I mean the way we do it.

Sing this carol here, shop for this present there, exchange presents there, and act like we care about the poor and the needy. (Like if they go away for the other 364 days of the year). Not that I mind doing any of the above, it’s just that I want the special feeling to return.

You know–when I couldn’t wait for Christmas to come, largely for the presents, but also for the gathering of family members from East, West, North and South. We’d sit around and tell stories and rehash memories…

Memories! That’s it isn’t it? Every time I start to feel empty, I should start thinking of all the progress I’ve made, all the people who love me, all the people who need love and what I can do the help others, instead of thinking about me right?

It’s like when we used to do the food pantry at church. The feeling of bliss that used to fill me up when the day was all over, despite the fights, arguments and accusations of the very same people we were trying to help.

Thank you God! As always, talking with you makes me feel better. Oh wait, I’m supposed to say through Jesus Christ our Lord, right about here…right? Amen.

Look What I Found!

No...not another NaNoWriMo gadget. A blog award just for women! I read about it in Eph2810's feed. So actually, it would probably be more accurate to state, Look What Found Me!

My thoughts ran the gamut of, why we gotta have our own contest, we quitting? I'm not a wuss, I can and have competed with guys all my life! Which was quickly followed by...yup, and that's probably why you're up at 5:14 a.m. writing a post for your blog!

For the many excellent blogs there are out there written by men and women--there just aren't enough awards to go around. Rewards, in the form of a life saved, a captive freed, hope renewed, maybe...but how can the reward occur if no one knows they are there? (The Blogs, that is).

So while the latent, competetive, tomboy in me thinks, we don’t need no stinking separate award! The spirit of Malcolm X whose motto was "By any means necessary" reminds me that in the process of voting for the blogs, they must be read which is the reason they're written after all. Therefore the award becomes another avenue through which I can spread the message of Love.

So, without further ado I present:


The 2005 Blogs of Beauty Awards

Created by Sallie of TwoTalentLiving.com in an attempt to equalize the playing field for Women Bloggers with content of quality who might otherwise be overlooked in the 2005 Weblog Awards. (Nominations close November 26, 2005)

The nominations for the 2005 Blogs of Beauty Awards will close on Tuesday, November 29, 2005, at 8:00 p.m. EST. If you'd like to nominate a blog as reader or author, for detailed instructions click here.

I [nominate Dee] could [nominate Dee] never be [nominate Dee] crass enough [nominate Dee] to suggest, [nominate Dee] nay beg [nominate Dee] that you [nominate Dee] nominate me [nominate Dee], but I'm [nominate Dee] not averse [nominate Dee] to subliminal [nominate Dee] messages. LOL.

Seriously though, do use this opportunity to put in a plug for your favorite blog.

How Sexy Is Your Name?

According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your sexual identity ... what do you think?

-A-

You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, or subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts; not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the hunt invigorating. You are passionate and sexual, as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.

-B-


You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an _expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expressions of endearment and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

-C-


You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

-D-

Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open mind.

-E-


Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate harmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while--it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book.)

-F-


You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You Look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.

-G-


You are crap in bed! (Remember.... I didn't write this!)

-H-


You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.

-I-


You have a great need to be loved, appreciated ... even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual _expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

-J-


You are totally ------- marvelous!

-K-


You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your _expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.

-L-


You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You really enjoy stimulating yourself, though you are fairly new to it. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.

-M-


You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and also enjoy mothering your mate.

-N-


You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.

-O-


You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity and diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

-P-


You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; A good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

-Q-


You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner keep up with you--sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.


-R-

You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal; the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not brag, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.

-S-


You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.

-T-


You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, oftentimes all in your own head.

-U-


You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own.

-V-


You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means posting him out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.

-W-


You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.

-X-


You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.

-Y-


You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating, and romantic.

There was no Z...hmmm.

Where Are the Brothers?

Excerpt from Dr. Michael Eric Dyson's book "The Michael Eric Dyson Reader".

"Look at me," the sister blurted in exasperation. "It's Saturday night, and I can't buy a date."

She attended a black tie in Chicago that the 100 Black Men of Chicago sponsored. The even drew many of Chicago's elite, prominent clergy, physicians, entrepreneurs, and politicians. Her skin was brown and smooth-all sweet chocolate dipped into sensuous ebony hues - and her sparkling eyes set like flaming candles above her arching cheekbones. Her hair was a stylish black splash, with her limbs elegantly gesturing and her hands delicately pointing as her painted, manicured nails punctuated her message. As we talked for half an hour, it was clear that she was not only drop-dead gorgeous, but also bright as all outdoors, down-to-earth but schooled, witty and urbane but a true home girl, used to the corporate game she played as an executive but wearing her status loosely. Highly intelligent, educated, perceptive, in love with her people, down for the cause, a lover of black men-and she was alone, by herself, without a date in sight on a Saturday evening that brimmed with romantic promise.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked me. "I'm not trying to get married tomorrow-I'm not pressuring black men that way. I just want somebody to spend some time with, someone with whom I can have a good discussion and a good meal, and somebody I can laugh with. I just want a date, for God's sake, not a husband!"

Can any of you ladies relate to this story?

Most Embarrassing Date

I thought I'd had some embarrassing first dates, but after reading the following account, I'm sure you'll join me in passing the crown and sceptre over to this couple:

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

A Matter of Perspective, or, Dear Diary

I’ve been on a roll lately. In addition to my numerous blogs, I recently started up a Yahoo group and a discussion board to piggyback off of topics raised on my main blog, Dee411. Hopefully, by doing so, I will have provided a place where topics touched upon can be discussed thoroughly and privately, if so desired.

Anyway, in the administration area of the discussion board, there is a section entitled “censored words.” In this section, the system automatically replaces cusswords, politically incorrect terminology and other inflammatory words.

They had some suggested words already preprogrammed, but like a kid in a candy store, I had a ball going through and replacing their suggestions with words of my liking. I wish I could be a fly on the wall, the first time someone does a post including one of my substitutions…LOL.

Anyway, this is one of my favorite jokes, but there are cusswords involved. So I went through and censored this bad boy as well. Lemme know what you think:

Peace,
Dee

DEAR DIARY

Aug. 12:
Moved to our new home in Upstate New York. It is so beautiful here! The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see snow covering them.

Oct. 14:
New York is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful mountains and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

Nov. 11:
Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous treasure. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

Dec. 2:
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed over with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love New York.

Dec. 12:
More snow last night. The snowplow did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

Dec. 19:
More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Copulating snowplow never showed up!

Dec. 22:
More of that white poop fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the curve and waits till I’m done shoveling the driveway. Donkey-hole!

Dec. 25:
Merry Copulating Christmas. More friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-female-dog who drives the snowplow, I swear I’ll kill the- product-of-unwed-parents! Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the copulating ice.

Dec. 27:
More white poop last night. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after the snowplow goes through every time. Can’t go anywhere; car is stuck in a mountain of white poop. The weatherman says to expect another ten inches of the poop again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow ten inches is?

Dec. 28:
The copulating weatherman was wrong. We got thirty-four inches of that white poop this time. At this rate it won’t melt before the summer. The snowplow got stuck up in the road and that product-of-unwed-parents came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all the poop he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his copulating head.

Jan 4:
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those copulating beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3:
Took the car to the garage in Town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all that copulating salt they put all over the roads?

May 10:
Moved to Georgia. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken State of New York!

Do Overs...

I have often wondered this

and I figure I’m not the only

one...

If I could, I would go back to my 22nd year. I mean look at me. I’d discovered the wonders of makeup, colored contact lenses, hair dye and, oh glory,…weaves! Dang if I didn’t look good, in spite of all that! LOL.

It was a year filled with ups and downs. My husband cheated and was kicked out, by his own mama, who changed the locks on her apartment door. (Yeah, we lived with his parents. I was 19 and he was 18…but that’s another story), I became a femme fatale…(translation: deadly female) and dater extraordinaire. In my estimation, there was safety in numbers. I was attending auditions for commercials, background singing spots and background dancing spots.

My hair and consequently "my look" changed constantly. In fact, I had a wig collection that would make Regine of the sitcom entitled “Living Single” salivate.

I recall snagging a spotlight in a video with Keith Sweat’s non-singing-behind. He was assisting with the launch of a new singing group. I can't remember their name but after so many repetitions the words of the chorus "All Night, All Night Long...Hit it!" stuck in my head.

Finally, we were thankfully up to the last and final take. (oxymoron?) I'm dancing happily away in my designated spot, grooving with my newfound Puerto Rican friend, when...she accidentally overbalances, thereby accidentally elbowing me out of the way and catching her balance, right dead center of my spotlight.

I gathered friends and family to see the side of my arm that had made it to video stardom. Alas, too trusting--yet again.

But all in all, despite all of the above…I remember 22 as a very good year.

If you could, or better still, if you were granted just one wish and it had to do with turning back the hands of time...What age would you go back to and why?

This Just In!

Hope this gives you the chuckle it gave me. Btw...it's supposed to switch back and forth between chesteses and nuts, but I'm not a techie so picture it...K?

Dating Rules From A Man's Perspective

"This is a 'to do' list for

women who aren't

meeting the guys they

want to meet, either

the quantity of guys

or the quality of guys

that make them happy."

If you are happy with what you are getting, then good for you. Don't change a thing. If you are going to gripe about players, flakey guys, guys who only love the chase, guys who only want sex, and all the rest, then do these things and you will have more shots at more good guys than you will know what to do with.

1. If you are not happy with your physical appearance then hit the gym and fix it.
2. Be open to meeting guys ANYWHERE. On the street, at the grocery store, at the mall, at the bank, wherever. Realize that we do not require to be all dressed up in club gear for us to be attracted to you. You look better than you think in the sweats and ball cap you wore to run to the grocery store for your Ben & Jerry's pint fix.
3. Be approachable. How? Lose the "I am about to crap a watermelon" look on your face. Look pleased to be alive if not happy to be where you are. Stop making such an intensive study of the floor tiles. Look around, see who is around. Don't be afraid to make eye contact.
4. Speaking of eye contact, when you make it and glance away instantly we guys will often think "Oh, she definitely does not want me walking over there." If you do it a second time, we will often be sure of that assessment. When you make eye contact, make it for an extended period of time. Shoot for 5 seconds. Yes, you can do this in line at the bank. Be sure to include some kind of smile that we can actually see and isn't hidden behind your hair that falls in your face as you rapidly whip your head away and out of eye contact.
5. Speaking of hair, don't cut it short. There is a thread on this now. Read it and understand it.
6. Dress however the guy you want to meet would like to see a woman dress, not just how you think guys in general want women dressing. If you want a guy that likes women dressed in jeans and ball caps, then wear that. If you want a guy that like women dressed in hooker gear, then wear that. You will be choosing what you attract.
7. You know how you go into a social event and within moments 4 guys have sloppily tried to hit on you and now you are all annoyed at men in general? Lose the attitude. The guy playing pool with his buddies who you might like to talk to has watched all this and can see that you are now pissed off and isn't going to bother. He's having more fun shooting pool than he would have dealing with your aggravation.
8. Even if you stay upbeat that guy may assume that you are through listening to guys for the night. If you think you might like to talk to him, go say hello. It does not make you a skank. If a guy does think it makes you a skank, then he's a dumbass and you don't want to talk to him anyway.
9. You are allowed to initiate conversation or approach men. It does not make you a skank. If a guy does think it makes you a skank, then he's a dumbass and you don't want to talk to him anyway.
10. Society does not say that women cannot be aggressive. WOMEN say that women cannot be aggressive. This does not turn most guys off. It WILL turn off the players who just love the chase. Guess what that makes them? A dumbass, and you don't want to talk to him anyway.
11. Just because you approached or asked out one guy, or even two, and it did not result in a whirlwind romance with Prince Charming worthy of a fairy tale publication and a Sunday evening miniseries does not mean that doing such things does not work. It just means that you are dealing with people and people don't always "click." Deal with it.
12. You can meet good guys in bars. You just have to cut past the 4 players who roll up in the first two minutes. The good guys are shooting pool or talking with friends while the vultures are descending when you walk in the door.
13. The Man-fairy is not going to deliver a guy to your doorstep and ring the bell. If you want to meet more guys, you have to leave the house. Yes, I know it was a long week at work. Yes, I know you have plants to repot and knitting to do and your wine glasses all need polishing. Yes, I know you have saved all those Extreme Home Makeover episodes on your TiVo. Skip it. The men are all out there at the bars, bookstores, running clubs, and coffee shops of the world. If you only socialize once a month beyond your weekly trip to blockbuster then not meeting guys is your own fault.
14. Yes, you can meet good guys at the gym. It is just very hard to do so when you never take off your iPod headphones.
    
15. Attach no significance to when a guy calls. Just about everyone has some silly rule about how many days to wait before calling. Most of them have no bearing on what the guy is really thinking, other than that he is guessing at which "rule" you believe in. As long as he hasn't waited so long that it is rude, don't sweat it.
16. If you are not interested, don't give a guy your number and then blow him off. It is just rude and you WILL develop a reputation.
17. Take some risks. Go talk to that guy. It isn't as hard as it looks and getting shot down is better than never knowing. It is better than kicking yourself all the way home over why he didn't come talk to you.
18. If a guy acts like a jerk, he IS a jerk. You can't change him, tame him, or anything like that and there is no prize for playing that game. Just a lot of heartache and baggage to carry to the next guy until you make yourself totally undateable.
19. If you are talking to a guy and getting good vibes but he just isn't "closing the deal" (asking for your number, etc), realize that he might be having trouble with your signals. Either amp up the signals or just offer your number. See what happens. You aren't promising to have his babies, so settle down.
20. Your dating fate is in your hands. YOU can make these changes and YOU can gain some control of things if YOU choose to do so. If you don't, I don't have any sympathy for you.
21. Not having cats will really, REALLY help your case. (In my case, that's true...damn allergies).
22. Most women will not buy into this because it would mean accepting responsibility for their dating lives, something most women avoid like the plague, which would give a woman an advantage over others by following these suggestions.
23. Don't stick to tight groups of friends all night. All that does is make it unlikely that a nonplayer will approach you. No, that doesn't mean the guy isn't confident. It just means the guy is smart enough to realize he can't entertain 986875 girls that get out once a month while at least 1/4 of the group is PMSing. Cycle around alone a bit. You will probably not get kidnapped from a public eating or drinking establishment.
24. Just because a guy wants sex from you does not mean that he ONLY wants sex from you. If he approached you, asked you out or responded to your advances then he wants sex from you at a minimum. He may want more, but he at least wants that. if you avoid guys who show that they want sex then you will likely end up undersexed when in the relationship.

Okay folks, let me know the ones with which you agree and/or disagree!

Acid or Alkaline?

Due to my less than creditworthy status, last summer I had a prepaid cellphone offered through Liberty Wireless. It served its purpose. I paid $19.99 a month and for that fee I received a grand total of 80 anytime minutes for the month. If I used more, I paid more--simple.

It was a great arrangement for someone working 15 hours a week at $10.00 an hour, but not a status quo I wanted to continue for an extended period of time, unless I intended to give up my present housing or stop eating.

Eventually that $19.99 paid off and one of the temp agencies with which I was signed called with an offer of a longterm temp position. (YAY!)

Two months into the assignment, an off the cuff conversation with my brother-in-law revealed the fact that I paid $39.99 for 200 anytime minutes and free nights and weekends. (Yup, I'd graduated!)

My brother-in-law was flabbergasted but he calmed down a little when I mentioned my credit situation. He then thought about it for a minute then offered to get a phone for me in his name. I thought about it for 000 one second then said, "Yes!"

###

Fast forward to the present:-

I recently had an epiphany.

I've been giving this cell number out willy nilly to prospective suitors and noticed that after a few conversations the phone calls ceased. I didn't really pay it much mind because, hey, I know I'm interesting...

About two months ago during a conversation with a prospective suitor, he asked,

"Who's Ray Ricketts?" to which I replied

"My brother-in-law--why?" to which he replied

"Uhm hmmm" like I had a hidden agenda or something. I just laughed it off and concluded the conversation.

About three weeks later, when I thought about it, I realized that we hadn't spoken--I stopped laughing.

Could everyone else have thought I was creeping? And was he the only one honest enough to voice his opinions?

I thought about using the hide identity feature on the phone but decided against it. In my family, if you dial with a hidden identity--you keep on ringing.

So now, eventhough I'm aware of the caller ID quandary, I still give out my cell number sans warning, but now I watch to see who says something or not. This has now become my litmus test. I wanna see if a prospective suitor is acid or alkaline.

How to Treat a Woman vs How to Treat a Man

Wine her, Dine her;
Call her, Hold her;
Surprise her,
Compliment her;
Smile at her,
Listen to her;
Laugh with her,
Cry with her;
Romance her,
Encourage her;
Believe in her,
Pray with her;
Pray for her,
Cuddle with her;
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry;
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand;
Write love letters to her; and
Go to the ends of the earth and
back again for her.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN

Show up naked.
Bring chicken wings.

I received the above post in an email from my group of sisters. Upon receipt, I cracked up at it, thinking to myself, "Ain't that the truth!"

After the day was over and I was at home unwinding doing my reflection, it again crossed my mind, but this time I thought about it from the male's point of view and this is what I came up with:

At the cost of being drummed out of the sisterhood club, I just want to give a holler to those (not all) sisters (females) who expect all of the nurturing above in exchange for some s*x and some take out (if he's lucky). Now, I'm not gonna front, I'm not the cookingest sister in the world, but I can read a recipe at 55wpm.

Having become a Dear Abbylequa or Dr. Ruthquisha of sorts in the online dating arena, I've heard just as many or maybe more, tales of woe from men who are raising their children without child support etc. (Blew my mind!)

Yes, as women, we've been mistreated, lied to, cheated on, abused, misused and more, but in our attempts to rise above our situations and circumstances, does it mean we have to grind the brothers (men) down, reduce them to the lowest common denominator?

Can our reclaiming our selfworth, declaration of respect for ourselves or covenant to hold men accountable for their actions not include respect for the men as well?

I dunno about you but downing someone else to make me feel better, hasn't been working so far...how about you?

I say we throw away the gender card and treat men, the way we want to be treated?

What say you?

Choices: To Do or Not to Do...the Ex

"C'mon...hold it...

you know

you want to..."

As the sunset burned its radiance into her retinas, Lee thought about the events of the day. The way she and Dom had fallen back into sync, getting their daughter off to school for her junior year at the University of Pennsylvania. She marveled at the way they’d not argued one single time and she noted how delighted Dom and Felicia had been all day long. She couldn’t help but say to herself, Now why couldn’t we have been like this…four years ago? Then she remembered. Four years ago, I cared more about his feelings than I did mine, that’s the difference. Just as she shook off the nostalgic moment, Dom said,

“That was nice wasn’t it? Didn’t it remind you of old times?”

Without a twinge of guilt she replied, “No, not really, because I enjoyed today. Had this been 'old times' I’d have been ready to murder you by now.”

Dom had the nerve to give her an uncomprehending look; a look she pretended not to see as she continued gazing at the horizon, blind to the exit signs they passed as the car sped on towards Allentown.

###

Oh Lawd, why did I open my big mouth? Lee thought to herself as they left the restaurant and headed towards Wal-Mart for the fourth time that day. This time, they made the trip so that Dom could obtain overnight toiletries for his unplanned overnight stay at Lee's apartment.

To ensure that things would move along nicely, Lee got out of the car, pulled a shopping cart, and headed purposefully in the direction of the men's section. Finding the correct underwear, she dropped it into the cart, moved along to the toiletries and added razors and a toothbrush, then did a speedwalk to the checkout line. Just as she was about to pay for the items, Dom arrived to take care of the bill.

The trip to her apartment was accomplished in silence as Lee mentally choreographed her "to do" list before she could politely shut her door and have some "Lee time" before she went to bed.

As they entered the apartment, Lee assumed her hostess role. She went to the closet, took out clean sheets and towels, and made up the bed in her mother's room for Dom, then placed towels in her mom's bathroom. She was retreating to her room when she was halted by the question:

"So I can't sleep in your room?"

Lee cracked up and, without turning around, continued into her room. "Yeah, right!"

Still chuckling, she turned to close her door. She had only an inch left to close when Dom knocked on the door. She opened it with a smile. "What?"

She was met by a face that didn't seem to mirror her good humor. She stopped smiling long enough to repeat her response. "What?"

"I can't believe you're being so rude!" Dom said.

Confused now, Lee replied, "Rude? Rude how?"

"Well, you see me here, I'm your guest, and you're just going to go into your room and shut your door?"

Has the negro been sniffing something? "Let me get this straight. I invited you to sleep over so that you don't have to drive back to New York tonight; you've got your own room and bathroom; I even made the bed for you--and now that I'm going to change my clothes, in my room, I'm being rude?" Lee said

"Yes," he replied. "You don't have to shut the door on me. What are you hiding anyway? I've seen it all before."

Oh no he din't go there! She rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips, then stated. "Well, since you've seen it all before, I don't see what's the problem. Ain't nothing new or changed since you last saw it all." Lee smartly shut the door.

As she unzipped her jeans, she heard another knock. She did a frustrated silent tantrum dance as she thought, See? That's what you get for being nice. Shoulda let his a** drive on back to Brooklyn, but noooooo...you had to invite him to sleep over, talking 'bout there's two bedrooms and mom's in the nursing home right now. That negro look like he wanna sleep in any other bedroom?

"What? she replied, in her "you're-working-my-last-nerve" voice.

"Can I shower in your bathroom?" was the tentative response.

"NO!" Lee exploded. "Use that bathroom out there."

Silence. There was finally blessed silence. Taking the silence as a sign of defeat, Lee undressed, showered, and put on her sleep gear. Just as she'd settled in front of her computer to check her emails and get her chat on, she heard another knock. Knowing better this time around, she didn't even go to the door. She shouted, "Good night Dom!" and continued reading her emails.

"Can I come in for a minute to show you something?"

"Ok, make it quick!" she said, harried. When her door opened and Dom walked in naked from the waist down, all that went through her mind was, I think I'm gonna hafta hurt his feelings tonight, cause the negro is thicker than a plank. I don't know if he's in denial, or if he thinks he's irresistible or if he's just a horny toad and ain't thinking...but...

She kept her gaze on the computer screen and said, "No thanks. I really don't want to see that."

She hadn't outright screamed at him, and Dom took that as the all-clear to walk his naked behind into the room, stand next to the computer and peek over her shoulder. By that time Lee had finished checking her emails and was browsing one of her dating websites, AfroRomance.com.

His eyes lit onto the screen and he said, "Aha, I knew you wanted some. Why look for it online when I'm right here? C'mon, hold it, you know you want to..."

Lee had had enough. Delicate male ego or no, he was about to get it. His guardian angels must be off duty tonight or something, cause there ought to be some serious flapping of wings right about now. He took a good look at her face and backed away a bit. Ahhh "Houston we have a problem message finally got through...good job Angels! She simply stated, "Please don't make me regret that I extended my hospitality to you."

His eyes slid sideways a bit and he turned to leave the room. When he got to the door, he couldn't resist one last try. "You really gonna let me go to bed with blue balls? I haven't had sex in almost two years--since the divorce began."

"Welcome to my world," Lee replied. "A cold shower helps."

The door was almost shut when he popped his head back in one more time. "I know you've always been particular," he said, "so this internet thing you're doing really scares me. Be careful, I don't want you to get hurt." Lee gave him no response; just stared at the screen and clicked the mouse until she heard the door close. She stopped clicking and exhaled. Although she didn't let on, Dom's persistence had scared her a bit. Deep down she doubted it would have escalated to a date rape situation, but her previous experience had left her a bit wary.

As she shook off the fear, anger came in. Had Dom thought that it could really be that easy to step back into her bed, her heart? Why would she allow herself to go back there? Why would she become the other woman, when she'd held the number one position for years? And he even had the nerve to warn her about online predators! What about the predator in the other room?

If it wasn't so sad, she thought, it would really be funny--the man who ripped my heart out and served it up to me on a plate is concerned about me participating on an online dating site. Heck, at least the online predator is upfront about what he wants. He doesn't couch it in unfulfilled promises of fidelity. Even if an online relationship did hurt her, she knew that no one after a short acquaintance could ever equal the damage done by Dom--no one would, ever again, because no one would ever be allowed the chance to get that close. She would never be that open. But heeeeyyy, she wasn't bitter... much.

~ The End.

Every day of our lives we are faced with choices. Some days the choices are clear-cut, some days the choices slide into the gray zone. In Lee's situation, her choice to house her ex-fiancé overnight falls smack dab into said gray zone. So let’s deal with the questions—shall we?
Can lovers really revert to friends?

Who do you think was right in the above situation? Lee or Dom?

Did Lee send conflicting signals?

What do you think motivated Lee's response to the situation?

a) Her vow of abstinence?
b) Revenge?
c) Her fear of pain?
d) Her pride?
e) Her increased self-esteem?

Was she expecting too much of Dom?

Do you think Dom was really as thick as he acted?

Do you think Dom had grounds for worry with regards to "real" relationships vs "online" relationships?

Do you think the situation could/should have been avoided?

Infidelity: Where Does It Begin?

"...Does

cyber sex

equate

infidelity?"

I dreamt about my ex-husband last night. Disturbing? A little, since w e’ve been divorced for over fifteen years. But in my defense, I will mention that before I fell asleep, I was reading a copy of “Grown Folks Business” by Victoria Christopher Murray, which deals with infidelity. The husband didn’t actually commit a sexual act, but he fell in love with someone else, a man.

Some folks would disagree and say that the main topic was homosexuality and the down low trend, which I’ve been aware of since the eighties, but is just now coming to light in the mainstream world. And they’d be right. In fact we both would, because there are many issues being touched in this story and since matters of importance are subjective, and this is my blog...I’m going with the infidelity issue this morning…lol.

Merriam Webster defines infidelity as unfaithfulness to a moral obligation : DISLOYALTY marital unfaithfulness or an instance of it. The protagonist’s husband, Quentin, is clear to point out that although he’s in love with someone else, it has nothing to do with sex and although he doesn’t come out and make a bold statement, by the author’s skillful wording, his very tone comes through loud and clear and you get the idea that he feels confident in, and maybe even takes pride in the fact that he has not been unfaithful.

Which segues nicely into the question: Where does infidelity begin? How is it defined? Does it begin the moment we entertain thoughts about others beside our spouse and refuse to squash those thoughts? Or does it begin only when we proceed to act out our thoughts? And since our premise here is the online arena...the following questions arise (in no particular order):

• Should a married person have a profile on a Singles Site?
• If so, should their spouse be told?
• If all communication stays on site and no personal information is divulged, does that equate fidelity?
• Does cyber sex equate infidelity?
• How about phone sex? Infidelity
• How intimate are the conversations allowed to be?
• When does it cross the line from just entertainment purposes to become infidelity?

Here are some pointers I received from HappilySingle.com yesterday on how to spot someone who is married but masquerading as a single person:

1. No photo is present
2. Minimal Personal information provided
3. Not paid members
4. Too quick to discuss sex when chatting
5. Too quick to become intimate, people who want to build quality relationships are never in a hurry to jump in bed.

Date With Caution!

A woman at a nightclub one Saturday night, was taken by 5 men, who according to hospital and police reports, gang raped her before dumping her. Unable to remember the events of the evening, tests later confirmed the repeat rapes and along with traces of Rohypnol in her blood, was Progesterex, which is essentially a small sterilization pill.

The drug is now being used by rapists at parties to rape AND sterilize their victims. Progesterex is available to vets to sterilize large animals. Rumor has it that Progesterex is being used together with Rohypnol, the date rape drug.

As with Rohypnol, all they have to do is drop it into the girl's drink. The girl can't remember a thing the next morning, of all that had taken place the night before. Progesterex, which dissolves in drinks just as easily, is such that the victim doesn't conceive from the rape and the rapist needn't worry about having a paternity test identifying him months later.

The drug's effects are not TEMPORARY.....They are PERMANENT! Progesterex was designed to sterilize horses. Any female who takes it...WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CONCEIVE.

These dickheads can get this drug from anyone who is in veterinarian school or any university. It's that easy, and Progesterex is about to break out big everywhere. Believe it or not, there are even sites on the Internet telling people how to use it.

Please COPY (NOT FORWARD) this to everyone you know, especially females. Be careful when you're out and...

• Never, ever leave your drink unattended;
• Never have it watched by someone who is irresponsible; or
• Never have someone buy you a drink and hand it to you.

Conversation at Noon

divine_1_39(11/12/2004 11:56:52 AM) : well...my last relationship was over 3 years ago...my ex-fiancé...just hasn't realized it yet...lol
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 11:58:23 AM):I mean...how he gonna be calling me on his wedding day...to another woman? I mean...what was I supposed to do...tell him “Don't do it?”
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:01:14 PM): yeah...he calls me on the way to his wedding...like that's supposed to make me feel good
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:01:30 PM): hahahahahaha
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:01:36 PM): naw not meaning to laff
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:01:40 PM): but I feel ya
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:02:03 PM): go head...I did...eventually…after I got over feeling the disrespect to the sistah he was about to marry
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:02:31 PM): well naw it’s well
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:02:44 PM): I’m ahhhhhh…naw …I can’t see it…
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:03:00 PM): men are fools sometimes
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:03:03 PM): no all the time
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:03:14 PM): thank you...an honest man!
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:03:30 PM): hahahaha comes wit the maturity I guess
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:03:35 PM): but I gotta say...y'all can only do...what we allow y'all to do
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:03:48 PM): I used to believe that too
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:04:21 PM): but trust and love is something, unless u truly know what it is, u can’t appreciate what it will permit
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:05:08 PM): trusting and loving someone sometimes…I mean people…unless they know how to trust and love…can’t appreciate it 4 what it is
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:05:23 PM): they abuse it
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:05:35 PM): and it’s not ur fault
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:05:46 PM): for trusting or loving them
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:05:49 PM): I disagree
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:06:15 PM): never mind
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:06:36 PM): no...no...speak your mind
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:06:55 PM): I feel it…but can’t relay it
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:07:18 PM): ok...then lemme hit u wit my perspective
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:07:49 PM): hit me then
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:08:32 PM): I mean...I can be dramatic...but thas just a natural extension of who I am as the 8th child in the family...if you wanna be seen or heard...do something about it...and quickly before you're shut down!...lol
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:09:04 PM): ok just the opposite
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:09:09 PM): the oldest of 8
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:09:18 PM): but basically the same
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:09:27 PM): alright then...so we come at it from different standpoints
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:09:27 PM): no identity of ur own
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:10:02 PM): I was thought of or related to the other seven
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:10:06 PM): in every way
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:10:07 PM): not really...you had the responsibility...whilst I was the responsibility
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:10:21 PM): but not the identity
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:10:41 PM): every body else had a name
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:11:02 PM): I was officially "da oldest"
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:11:13 PM): I was officially..."da baby"
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:11:19 PM): hahahaha
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:11:38 PM): folks always talk bout the middle child thing…getting lost…anyway
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:12:22 PM): back to ur perspective…didn’t mean to interrupt
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:12:39 PM): no problem
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:12:47 PM): good…cause it’ll probably happen again…hehehe
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:13:14 PM): lol…ya gave me good info
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:13:38 PM): helps me in my lil puzzle of "who is Dee, really?"
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:14:00 PM): me Dee or u Dee?
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:14:13 PM): ahahahahha...Dee u
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:16:32 PM): anyhow…when I said, y'all can only do what we allow...this is what I meant
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:16:52 PM): ok
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:17:02 PM): wait wait
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:17:09 PM): who is y'all
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:17:39 PM): generally speaking...I think that relationships are the way they are, because in our quest for independence, we women have created an imbalance that was never intended
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:17:44 PM): y'all refers to men
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:18:50 PM): ok the imbalance thing I can see... the boundaries and rules kinda got fuzzy
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:19:00 PM): yes...
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:19:45 PM): looking at the way God intended it, women were to be protected, provided for, cherished...and there were set and enforceable punishments for pre-marital sex, incest and/or rape that made it less likely to occur
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:20:23 PM): now in our quest for independence and a voice...we've so absorbed the male mentality...or so we think...that we've created a new set of problems for ourselves
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:20:38 PM): yes
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:20:44 PM): agree
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:20:54 PM): we can now earn as much or more than some or most males. As a result, we have less tolerance and/or appreciation for males in general, good job or not. At the slightest infraction, real or imagined, they’re shown the door with no attempt to work it out, because, “who needs a man…anyway?”
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:21:21 PM): it's no longer considered a stigma to be a single parent...so some women...intentionally go for the "baby...but not the father"
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:22:13 PM): in our attempt to gain respect in the boardroom...we've fallen down on our jobs in the bedroom and lost the respect in the dining room and living room.
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:22:14 PM): don’t 4 get "sexual preference" oh Sodom oh Gomorrah
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:23:19 PM): I don't claim to have my stuff all together, but it seems that God already had things planned out perfectly for us
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:48:19 PM): now...I brought up the aforementioned as a backdrop (newly realized revelations) before I take you...to where I’ve been
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:51:02 PM): now...when I say...men will only do what is allowed...I was speaking to and for myself...and a whole lot of other sistahs...who've been there...and maybe even to and for some men as well
dee_prince (11/12/2004 12:51:19 PM): ok
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:51:21 PM): because...love is the key
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:51:40 PM): but before a key can open a door...one must know how the key works
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:52:24 PM): now...I called myself being in love...but had no clue what love is
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:53:32 PM): and since our perceptions are shaped by our surroundings and family situation...let's just say...that the lessons in love learned at my father's knees...weren't a true and honest representation
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:54:17 PM): I learned that love suffers at the hand or fist of the loved one
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:54:38 PM): endures public insults
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:55:17 PM): reinforces oneself by saying “well...no matter where he goes...he always comes back to me.”
divine_1_39 (12:57:59 PM): I also learned that love serves to cancel out or turns a blind eye or is ineffectual in defending it's young from views of abuse or incest, whilst citing it's own wrongs, hurts and pains
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 12:59:16 PM): sooo...armed with those life lessons...I set out on my own journey of life and love...determined to have a better outcome...than my moms
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:00:42 PM): strike number 1...ex-husband turned out to be just like my dear ole dad...but...I flipped the script...he was the same height and skinny as a rail...he cheated...I beated...and had his mama kick him out and change the locks...we had a 2 year old by then u know
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:01:00 PM): 2 questions? shoot
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:01:21 PM): ok appreciate the sharing ...
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:01:58 PM): but...
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:01:59 PM): have u ever wished 4 a world of no deception of no false fronts and kind thoughts and acts...pure?
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:02:45 PM): no...not really…u?
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:03:13 PM): and the second is... which is more important..... the being "in love" or the "loving" or is there a difference in the 2?
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:03:18 PM): yes…I do…wish there was a world like that
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:03:46 PM): there is...it's called...heaven
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:03:58 PM): we spend time and energy wrestling within ourselves bout the uncertainty of externals
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:04:19 PM): putting up fronts …hiding the fear, the pain and the doubts, and so many other things that we can’t effectively deal with, the delusions our struggles, our minds and hearts encounter
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:11 PM): I mean what u share with me here is somehow easier 4 u because well this isn’t the real world
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:20 PM): I would like to come to u and say
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:29 PM): u know what Dee, my heart is broke…because…well…
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:38 PM): my woman…or aunt…or uncle or some strange person
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:50 PM): did this to me
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:55 PM): and it wasn’t right
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:06:58 PM): and no one cared…or tried to stop it
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:07:18 PM): folks don’t care bout folks…and I hate that
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:07:24 PM): truly care
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:07:30 PM): and now I’m crying so…I’ll let u answer the second question
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:07:43 PM): the "loving" or the "in love"
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:10:17 PM): actually let me address what you just said...it is actually just as easy in person as it is on here...you see the first telling is the hardest...after that...it's all gravy train...and trust...when you've stood in front of a congregation that includes everyone near and dear to you, including your child, and expound on the issue as part of a sermon...you've taken control of the situation and rebuffed the secrecy factor that allows 1 out of every 4 women to experience and/or continue to live under those conditions.
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:11:46 PM): now...as to which is more important...being in love or loving... I think both are important and necessary...just so that the person in love or loving understands what love really is...it is not blind, it gives, without asking/requiring anything in return, it's patient and kind, slow to anger, always ready for reconcialiation, full of hope, it endures a lot and never ends
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:12:56 PM): hmmmmmm…to me loving is...loving
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:14:17 PM): "in love" carries more idealism wit it
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:14:56 PM): an imagined act of what the being in denotes that it can’t last because the in denotes an out
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:15:19 PM): something u fall into
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:15:20 PM): ok...I hear that
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:15:25 PM): something u fall out of
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:15:48 PM): the loving as u so eloquently put it…and I might say ....loving u right now…is something more substantial
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:16:19 PM): more lasting
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:16:24 PM): more enduring
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:16:32 PM): more tolerant
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:16:39 PM): more loving
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:17:10 PM): and I’m guessing that God is in effect in ur life now I mean consciously…love is reppin Him
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:17:28 PM): 4 that is what He is…love
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:17:40 PM): anyway
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:18:02 PM): there is a greeting used in the eastern countries
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:18:17 PM): it’s NAMASTE
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:05 PM): it is the acknowledgement not of the person but the spirit the like spirit or the God within the person
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:19:11 PM): I like that
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:23 PM): the God in me greets the God in u
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:35 PM): something like dat
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:43 PM): I mean it’s deeper
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:47 PM): but I’m simple
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:53 PM): lazy in fact
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:19:54 PM): hahaha
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:20:30 PM): see...I knew this was inside of you
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:20:43 PM): no u didn’t
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:20:53 PM): I’m bad
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:20:57 PM): and nassy
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:21:00 PM): if u say so...but I know what I know
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:21:01 PM): and perverted
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:21:03 PM): and lustful
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:21:07 PM): and all dem things
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:21:13 PM): yeah...but you know what…I think that’s a front
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:23:10 PM): anyhow...can I get to my grand finale...long winded...I know...but can I get there?
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:24:07 PM): go on sistah touch dis here brutha
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:24:50 PM): ok...I’ll take that as a yes
dee_prince (11/12/2004 1:26:33 PM): Dee me says yes to Dee u
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:27:16 PM): well in short...I didn't love me...I didn’t think I deserved anything or anyone better, and felt that as long as I had a man...it didn't matter what he acted like...just because I had one. In not holding him responsible for his actions...I let us both down...but of course...this was all realized in hind sight...cause I thought I had my finger on the pulse
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:27:49 PM): heck...my mama loved him to death and so did my daughter...so something must have been wrong with me!
divine_1_39 (11/12/2004 1:30:21 PM): anyhow...I feel if both sides...men and women hold each other to account...we'd have less mess...but unfortunately...since we are helpmeets and not the ones designated to be large and in charge...the onus falls on us...to help men respect and treasure us, by believing that we do deserve their respect, and calling them on it when they fall below the mark…anyhow…gotta run…we’ll continue this tomorrow…time for lunch with my moms…we’re mending fences…peaceeee.
divine_1_39 logged off 11/12/2004 1:30:59 PM